Three hundred twenty-two and a half miles!!! I made it to my goal of 310(+) miles, or 10 miles per day average for March! I didn't think I'd make it. The month started off pretty well, but after the second week, my legs felt like garbage. Just biking the four or five mostly-flat miles to and from work felt awful. Walking up two flights of stairs at work: also awful. I wasn't sleeping well or enough which was probably both a cause and a effect of my legs feeling like trash. And it was all making me more irritable by the day.
I finally waved a white flag of surrender/defeat on the 24th and just decided rest was more important than meeting my goal. (I also realized that my goal was a bit ridiculous. I only biked 83 miles in February. Trying to do nearly 400% more mileage in March was probably 400% overambitious and possibly downright stupid. Ooh, but didn't I say last time, dream big? Lol, dammit.) I had four days off work, which meant four days I didn't have to bike at all. I went out for a ride on the third day in a half-hearted attempt to, well, see if I couldn't salvage my goal. I mean, I only needed to bike 90 miles in 6 days. It could happen...
That day I did my longest ride ever: exactly 50 miles. I didn't intend to go that far, but I guess my legs appreciated the two days of rest, the weather was cooperative, and things felt good so I went for it. The next day, my legs felt like crap again, lol, but I was back on track to meet my goal! Shut up legs, I've got miles to crush!
Today I had just 6.5 miles to go, and rather unenthusiastically headed outside. The sun made an appearance, but it was Windy. As. Fuck. I thought maybe I'd loop Lake Monona (well over 6.5 miles), but that wind...oooh, that wind was making think I'd just get that 6.5 miles and be DONE.
I did say overambitious and possibly downright stupid, right? So 18.5 miles later, I called it quits for the month with a total of 322.5 miles. And I looped the lake at a faster pace than is typical for me. (I'm thinking I want to try to work on speed a bit. Surely I can do better than 13.5 mph average? Today's trip was 14.2 mph.)
My legs still feel like garbage, but whatever.
And then tonight, I signed up for a duathlon. Because clearly, I hate my legs.
It's four weeks away, and I'm totally freaking out about this (OMG, what have I signed up for?!?!?) It's 3 miles run, 20 miles bike, 2 (more, WTF) miles run. I'm not terribly concerned with the biking. Or the running. It's just the two (three? seriously, WTF, this sounds like a wannabe triathlon, there's three parts!) things combined that make me nervous. I anticipate it'll take me 2.5-3 hours to finish. I don't care about how long it takes, really. I just want it to not feel awful.
I'm thinking my plan for the next four weeks will be mostly focused on trying to convince myself: you got this. And: SLEEPING. I usually get 6-7 hours of sleep a night, which is hello, not enough. At all. Getting a solid 8-9 hours of sleep, regularly, would probably do me more good than any combination of biking and running workouts.
Here's to sleep!!!!
Also, thanks, legs, for putting up with all that. I owe you a day off ;)
Saturday, March 31, 2018
Thursday, March 8, 2018
March 8, 2018
I was thinking 2018 would be the year of running, in contrast to 2017, which was the year of biking. Last year I bought a bike-themed calendar and recorded my miles. I ended up with (only) 1,400-something. I had hoped to hit 1,500, but December just didn't really happen, lol. I blamed my decreasing desire to bike on my increasing desire to run. September was my first 10k, and it was awful ("I'm never doing this again!") and awesome (I signed up for my second 10k within an hour or so of getting home, LOL). The second 10k was on Thanksgiving, and a third was in mid-December. I'm a slower runner, around a 10-ish minute mile, so my 10k's have never broken an hour, nor my 5k's 30 minutes. I'm hoping one day...
Anyways, late 2017 I bought a running-themed calendar and started dreaming of doing the Ragnar Trail Northwoods Wisconsin relay, in September 2018. I started tracking my (meager, January was cold!) running miles on this new calendar, but continued to track 2018 biking miles on another. Neither January nor February were fantastic months for either activity. I guess I did run two 5ks--on snowshoes!!! And biked just over 200 miles over the two months.
And then I met this guy. Who bikes. A LOT. Remember how I biked 1,400-some miles last year? He biked 7,000-some. Yeesh, I used to feel proud of my 1,400 miles!!! Eh, I still am. But I'm also biking more (and running less, ha).
This month...dare I admit it? I'm shooting for 300 miles. Or better, 310, an average of 10 miles a day. Aw, what the heck, let's make it 330, because I like those double-threes, lol. The most I ever did in a month last year was 227 miles, in June, which was when I did the 145-mile bike trip. Second most was 220 miles in April. So far, I'm at 73 miles for March, but it'd be nice if the weather would warm up just a bit more and melt this snow and muck off the road so I can ditch the heavy commuter bike (concrete frame, mountain bike tires, fenders for said snow & muck) for one of my faster, lighter, and more comfortable-for-longer-rides-on-muckless-roads road bikes (sans clothing-saving-fenders).
But back to the guy. He's scheming a cross-country bike trip, of course (of course). It probably won't happen until next year, and who knows if I'll be around then to weigh the pros and cons of quitting my job to join him on this epic adventure. But yeah, I'm pretty much sold on the idea of an epic adventure! So I'm dreaming about it a bit, too. I've been reading Going Somewhere by Brian Benson about his bike trip from northern Wisconsin to Portland, Oregon. Ohhh! Reading about his biking across northern Wisconsin, just miles from where I rode last year, it makes me ache to hop on a bike and GO. I want to see more! See Lake Superior, slowly!
I think the guy (Mr. 7,000 miles, that is, not the author of above book) had tentatively mapped out a route...to Portland as well, I think. I glanced at the route and have to admit, it wasn't what I would want to do...because I want to see everything, haha. I want to see South Dakota and Wyoming and Montana and Utah and Idaho and Arizona and New Mexico and ALL of California. Heh, dream big :D
Tonight I added Nebraska to the places I want to see at 13.5 miles per hour.
I sat down on the couch at 12:30am (I worked 2nd shift) to relax with a book for a little bit before bed. And I heard faintly though the closed windows, that utterly bizarre sound of Sandhill Cranes. I've been seeing them more frequently around my neighborhood (have I mentioned how lucky I am to live near the UW-Madison Arboretum?! Such a treasure!), and I've learned to recognize their vocalizations. I opened the window to hear better, then googled Sandhill Cranes to read more about them.
And I learned their name comes from the Sandhills of Nebraska, through which they migrate in huge numbers. I googled Nebraska Sandhills, saw the photos, and thought: yep, I would totally bike that!
So I started looking into bike trails and routes in Nebraska, and there's this bright red gash of a trail across a good portion of the northern part of the state between Norfolk and Valentine--the Cowboy Trail. And that looks like as good a 195-miles-of-biking as any other, right?
And then I'm looking into other attractions in Nebraska (might there be any others?) and I read of Scotts Bluff, which is an intriguing natural wonder and a historic part of the Oregon Trail.
And long after the Sandhill Cranes have gone to bed, and so should have I, I am sleepily convinced I must bike Nebraska someday. With Mr. 7,000 miles, with someone else, or independently. Nebraska. (Of all places!)
Anyways, late 2017 I bought a running-themed calendar and started dreaming of doing the Ragnar Trail Northwoods Wisconsin relay, in September 2018. I started tracking my (meager, January was cold!) running miles on this new calendar, but continued to track 2018 biking miles on another. Neither January nor February were fantastic months for either activity. I guess I did run two 5ks--on snowshoes!!! And biked just over 200 miles over the two months.
And then I met this guy. Who bikes. A LOT. Remember how I biked 1,400-some miles last year? He biked 7,000-some. Yeesh, I used to feel proud of my 1,400 miles!!! Eh, I still am. But I'm also biking more (and running less, ha).
This month...dare I admit it? I'm shooting for 300 miles. Or better, 310, an average of 10 miles a day. Aw, what the heck, let's make it 330, because I like those double-threes, lol. The most I ever did in a month last year was 227 miles, in June, which was when I did the 145-mile bike trip. Second most was 220 miles in April. So far, I'm at 73 miles for March, but it'd be nice if the weather would warm up just a bit more and melt this snow and muck off the road so I can ditch the heavy commuter bike (concrete frame, mountain bike tires, fenders for said snow & muck) for one of my faster, lighter, and more comfortable-for-longer-rides-on-muckless-roads road bikes (sans clothing-saving-fenders).
But back to the guy. He's scheming a cross-country bike trip, of course (of course). It probably won't happen until next year, and who knows if I'll be around then to weigh the pros and cons of quitting my job to join him on this epic adventure. But yeah, I'm pretty much sold on the idea of an epic adventure! So I'm dreaming about it a bit, too. I've been reading Going Somewhere by Brian Benson about his bike trip from northern Wisconsin to Portland, Oregon. Ohhh! Reading about his biking across northern Wisconsin, just miles from where I rode last year, it makes me ache to hop on a bike and GO. I want to see more! See Lake Superior, slowly!
I think the guy (Mr. 7,000 miles, that is, not the author of above book) had tentatively mapped out a route...to Portland as well, I think. I glanced at the route and have to admit, it wasn't what I would want to do...because I want to see everything, haha. I want to see South Dakota and Wyoming and Montana and Utah and Idaho and Arizona and New Mexico and ALL of California. Heh, dream big :D
Tonight I added Nebraska to the places I want to see at 13.5 miles per hour.
I sat down on the couch at 12:30am (I worked 2nd shift) to relax with a book for a little bit before bed. And I heard faintly though the closed windows, that utterly bizarre sound of Sandhill Cranes. I've been seeing them more frequently around my neighborhood (have I mentioned how lucky I am to live near the UW-Madison Arboretum?! Such a treasure!), and I've learned to recognize their vocalizations. I opened the window to hear better, then googled Sandhill Cranes to read more about them.
And I learned their name comes from the Sandhills of Nebraska, through which they migrate in huge numbers. I googled Nebraska Sandhills, saw the photos, and thought: yep, I would totally bike that!
So I started looking into bike trails and routes in Nebraska, and there's this bright red gash of a trail across a good portion of the northern part of the state between Norfolk and Valentine--the Cowboy Trail. And that looks like as good a 195-miles-of-biking as any other, right?
And then I'm looking into other attractions in Nebraska (might there be any others?) and I read of Scotts Bluff, which is an intriguing natural wonder and a historic part of the Oregon Trail.
And long after the Sandhill Cranes have gone to bed, and so should have I, I am sleepily convinced I must bike Nebraska someday. With Mr. 7,000 miles, with someone else, or independently. Nebraska. (Of all places!)
Sunday, December 17, 2017
December 17, 2017
I've been thinking about that build-your-own triathlon idea for the last year or so, and I realized today that I actually did three fun, memorable, semi-athletic things (without really planning on doing them all like this) in the last 24-hours, so here's my brag :)
Yesterday afternoon I went hiking at Indian Lake County Park, which contains a small section of the Ice Age Trail. The trails are more rugged and hilly than I'm used to traversing in the Arboretum (and I love that they are rugged and hilly! I need to go for a faster hike (that is, a run) there, asap!) The weather was warmer yesterday than it has been recently, the sun was out (for a bit), and the trails were dusted with snow. Birch trees were stark white against the browns of early winter, the lake was frozen...it was just lovely. The hike lasted an hour or so, until the temperature started to drop and the breeze picked up.
After refueling with fish tacos at Lucille's (for a pizza place, they make surprisingly delicious fish tacos!), the second "leg" of my triathlon was a contra dance downtown. I LOVE contra dance. Seriously, it is just pure joy (and shenanigans!) I don't really know the other dancers (because we dance much more than we talk), but I recognize the regulars. I love the diversity of the community, the welcoming attitudes, and did I mention the joy and shenanigans? At one point last night the band was playing a version of jingle bells and at least half the dancers were singing along. The dancing can be surprisingly athletic, but also, it's a good mental challenge--trying to remember the sequence of steps and invariably, trying to make up for my failures to remember the sequence of steps! The dance lasted about three hours and I loved every minute of it :D
After tending to blisters from dancing (yeouch!) and a short night's sleep, the last leg of my triathlon was a 10k this morning at Pheasant Ridge, part of the Snowshoe Scurry series. It was a pretty small crowd--27 people completed the 10k and just 17 did the 5k. They also have a fat tire bike race afterwards, which, surprisingly (to me) had 36 participants. The trail was decent--mostly gravel, some grass, and quite a bit of nice, springy boardwalk. Two loops for the 10k, which reminded me of second-sock-syndrome in knitting: wait, you mean I have to do this all AGAIN?! My time was 1:04:00ish (not chip timed), and I think I finished second (to last, haha, no shame!) Afterwards they plied us with chili and fixings. YUM. That'll bring me back for the next run! But, also, BRR! The temperature wasn't bad while running, but quickly afterwards I was ready to get home to a warm shower (my victory lap!)
I had an absolute blast the past 24-hours! Loved every minute of these activities, and the feeling of satisfied tiredness at the end of it all. So happy!
Yesterday afternoon I went hiking at Indian Lake County Park, which contains a small section of the Ice Age Trail. The trails are more rugged and hilly than I'm used to traversing in the Arboretum (and I love that they are rugged and hilly! I need to go for a faster hike (that is, a run) there, asap!) The weather was warmer yesterday than it has been recently, the sun was out (for a bit), and the trails were dusted with snow. Birch trees were stark white against the browns of early winter, the lake was frozen...it was just lovely. The hike lasted an hour or so, until the temperature started to drop and the breeze picked up.
After refueling with fish tacos at Lucille's (for a pizza place, they make surprisingly delicious fish tacos!), the second "leg" of my triathlon was a contra dance downtown. I LOVE contra dance. Seriously, it is just pure joy (and shenanigans!) I don't really know the other dancers (because we dance much more than we talk), but I recognize the regulars. I love the diversity of the community, the welcoming attitudes, and did I mention the joy and shenanigans? At one point last night the band was playing a version of jingle bells and at least half the dancers were singing along. The dancing can be surprisingly athletic, but also, it's a good mental challenge--trying to remember the sequence of steps and invariably, trying to make up for my failures to remember the sequence of steps! The dance lasted about three hours and I loved every minute of it :D
After tending to blisters from dancing (yeouch!) and a short night's sleep, the last leg of my triathlon was a 10k this morning at Pheasant Ridge, part of the Snowshoe Scurry series. It was a pretty small crowd--27 people completed the 10k and just 17 did the 5k. They also have a fat tire bike race afterwards, which, surprisingly (to me) had 36 participants. The trail was decent--mostly gravel, some grass, and quite a bit of nice, springy boardwalk. Two loops for the 10k, which reminded me of second-sock-syndrome in knitting: wait, you mean I have to do this all AGAIN?! My time was 1:04:00ish (not chip timed), and I think I finished second (to last, haha, no shame!) Afterwards they plied us with chili and fixings. YUM. That'll bring me back for the next run! But, also, BRR! The temperature wasn't bad while running, but quickly afterwards I was ready to get home to a warm shower (my victory lap!)
I had an absolute blast the past 24-hours! Loved every minute of these activities, and the feeling of satisfied tiredness at the end of it all. So happy!
December 17, 2017
Triathlons sound awesome, right? You get some big bragging rights and the awe & envy of your family and 2,000 Facebook friends. But let's get real, training to do three events remotely decently is kind of an ambitious task, not to mention accumulating the necessary gear (decent bike, a wet suit for the swim(?)). I guess that's why you get those bragging rights.
But what about us mortals who have limited time, money, or athletic prowess? I propose a create-your-own-triathlon.
But what about us mortals who have limited time, money, or athletic prowess? I propose a create-your-own-triathlon.
- Choose three (ish) fun, doable activities (bonus points if they're semi-athletic, but also, not necessary).
- Go do them.
- Brag shamelessly on Facebook.
Let's make this doable: no rules about how long you have to spend doing each activity (may I suggest the time limit: keep going as long as you're having fun). And realistic: no need to do them back to back to back. Try to do them all in one day, or in one 24-hour period.
A traditional tri is swim-bike-run. Here's some other ideas...
- Take your dog (or your neighbor's dog, or your cat(?!)) for a walk somewhere new
- Go kayaking
- Go dancing
- Go for a hike
- Play some tennis
- Pop in a yoga dvd
- Check out the local trampoline park (Seriously, I went to one this past week and it was stupid fun!)
- Shoot some hoops
- Find a friend and play Frisbee
- A round of golf--mini or regular
- Bowling
Some winter-specific ideas...
- Skiing--cross-country or downhill
- Snowshoeing (you can often rent snowshoes and skis at sporting goods stores)
- Ice skating
- Sledding (no need to be a total adult about this!)
- Get some friends together and have a snowball fight :)
As I said, your three activities don't all have to be super active. Make them fun, memorable, intentional...
- Build a campfire and roast s'mores
- Bake a loaf of homemade bread or make your favorite soup from scratch
- Meditate, pray, watch the birds, gaze at stars (Meditation is part of Wanderlust 108, which also includes a 5k run/walk and a yoga practice. This is on my bucket list.)
- Go to a museum, a botanical garden, or a zoo
- Build or create something (I've always wanted to build a Little Free Library)
- Volunteer
Let's do this!
Wednesday, November 29, 2017
November 29, 2017
At the beginning of this year, I knew 2017 would be my year of biking. I had a bike-themed calendar on my wall where I have recorded the miles I rode each day. I had expected to hit at least 1,000 miles this year; of course I'd be delighted to total more, but I didn't have a set goal from the start. I wanted it to be fun, not rigidly focused on a number.
Well, I reached 500 miles in May, and 1,000 in September, so I seemed on track to hit 1,500 by the end of the year, and that was the goal that has evolved. Of course, adding those last 500 miles as the temperature dropped could be more challenging, but I've really lucked out with mild weather this month--a few days in the 50s, and the day after Thanksgiving was in the low 60s!
By my records I have about 135 miles to go in the last 32 days of the year. So close!!!
I debate about whether or not to make a goal for next year. I've thought of bumping it up to 1,800, or even 2,000, but then I think: I want to continue to enjoy biking! I don't want this to be a chore, and I really don't want to go for a 50 mile bike ride on New Year's Eve just to get it done, haha. I've also thought about tracking my running miles next year, and whether or not I should make a goal for that. I think for now, I'll keep things flexible and casual. I'll keep score, don't get me wrong! But I'll try not to get too attached to any number before I reach it :)
Well, I reached 500 miles in May, and 1,000 in September, so I seemed on track to hit 1,500 by the end of the year, and that was the goal that has evolved. Of course, adding those last 500 miles as the temperature dropped could be more challenging, but I've really lucked out with mild weather this month--a few days in the 50s, and the day after Thanksgiving was in the low 60s!
By my records I have about 135 miles to go in the last 32 days of the year. So close!!!
I debate about whether or not to make a goal for next year. I've thought of bumping it up to 1,800, or even 2,000, but then I think: I want to continue to enjoy biking! I don't want this to be a chore, and I really don't want to go for a 50 mile bike ride on New Year's Eve just to get it done, haha. I've also thought about tracking my running miles next year, and whether or not I should make a goal for that. I think for now, I'll keep things flexible and casual. I'll keep score, don't get me wrong! But I'll try not to get too attached to any number before I reach it :)
Monday, October 30, 2017
October 30, 2017
In August, I spent a good amount of time with my (now ex-) boyfriend's family. His parents celebrated their 50th anniversary and a week later was his father's birthday. I enjoyed spending time with them, but it was interesting just to observe his parents, especially his father. I could see such strong physical resemblance that it wasn't hard to think: this is what Chris will look like in 30 years.
I could also see similarities in their personalities. Chris seems very much like his father in personality--less talkative, less at the center of things. I felt like I was struggling to get to know his father (as I often struggled to know what Chris was thinking and feeling). It was something of a confirmation of Chris's personality to see how his father acted. His mother, on the other hand, was easier to get to know as she was definitely the conversationalist--I could relate to that myself, though I was shy (and maybe a bit intimidated!) around her.
Looking back to my marriage, I didn't ever know John's father as he'd left when John was four and was never really heard from or seen again (which no one who knew him seemed to consider a great loss). Even John had no real recollection of him. I'd seen a photograph or two of John as a baby with his father, but couldn't get much impression of his father and any possible physical resemblance or, less so, any personality similarities.
John's mother I knew for a while, but over time, John stopped trying to connect with her, and she also didn't make any effort that I knew of to keep in touch. The last few years, they didn't call or email one another at all, even at holidays or birthdays. Her appearance was rather dominated by the stroke(s?) she'd suffered, and her physical disability which left her essentially wheelchair-bound. It was hard to see a family resemblance between her and John. Her personality I remember as ranging from indifference to bitterness.
I guess it was hard to imagine what John would look or be like in 30 years. Perhaps it should have been ironically obvious: like his father, he would only exist in photographs (at least to me). Like his mother, I would notice his bitterness foremost, and there would eventually be no connection between us, including holidays or birthdays.
And then I think of my parents, and my mom especially. I remember looking at a picture of my mom and me recently and thinking, that's what I'm going to look like in 30 years. There was of course the immediate "oh, God, no!" reaction of denial that I could ever have hair that gray (uh, though it's definitely happening already) or skin that wrinkled (sigh, that's happening too). But then it struck me--my mom's smile...here's the picture, see for yourself.
She's beautiful. Her face glows with joy and her heart with peace. And I immediately thought: oh, God, I hope I look just like that in 30 years!
My mom hasn't had the easiest, happiest life. Truly, her childhood and young adulthood had some ugly moments (or months or years). Even at the time this photo was taken, she was carrying some serious weight in her heart for my sister and me. A few months earlier, my sister had broken off a ten-year relationship and then started up with a guy nearly 15 years her junior (they're now married!); and I was struggling to get pregnant...or...decide if I even wanted to stay in my marriage (a strange and awful combination that eventually tipped to the latter). Still, she finds (chooses?) joy and peace.
Perhaps I should stop plucking my gray hairs and focus on embracing my own joy and peace ;)
I could also see similarities in their personalities. Chris seems very much like his father in personality--less talkative, less at the center of things. I felt like I was struggling to get to know his father (as I often struggled to know what Chris was thinking and feeling). It was something of a confirmation of Chris's personality to see how his father acted. His mother, on the other hand, was easier to get to know as she was definitely the conversationalist--I could relate to that myself, though I was shy (and maybe a bit intimidated!) around her.
Looking back to my marriage, I didn't ever know John's father as he'd left when John was four and was never really heard from or seen again (which no one who knew him seemed to consider a great loss). Even John had no real recollection of him. I'd seen a photograph or two of John as a baby with his father, but couldn't get much impression of his father and any possible physical resemblance or, less so, any personality similarities.
John's mother I knew for a while, but over time, John stopped trying to connect with her, and she also didn't make any effort that I knew of to keep in touch. The last few years, they didn't call or email one another at all, even at holidays or birthdays. Her appearance was rather dominated by the stroke(s?) she'd suffered, and her physical disability which left her essentially wheelchair-bound. It was hard to see a family resemblance between her and John. Her personality I remember as ranging from indifference to bitterness.
I guess it was hard to imagine what John would look or be like in 30 years. Perhaps it should have been ironically obvious: like his father, he would only exist in photographs (at least to me). Like his mother, I would notice his bitterness foremost, and there would eventually be no connection between us, including holidays or birthdays.
And then I think of my parents, and my mom especially. I remember looking at a picture of my mom and me recently and thinking, that's what I'm going to look like in 30 years. There was of course the immediate "oh, God, no!" reaction of denial that I could ever have hair that gray (uh, though it's definitely happening already) or skin that wrinkled (sigh, that's happening too). But then it struck me--my mom's smile...here's the picture, see for yourself.
She's beautiful. Her face glows with joy and her heart with peace. And I immediately thought: oh, God, I hope I look just like that in 30 years!
My mom hasn't had the easiest, happiest life. Truly, her childhood and young adulthood had some ugly moments (or months or years). Even at the time this photo was taken, she was carrying some serious weight in her heart for my sister and me. A few months earlier, my sister had broken off a ten-year relationship and then started up with a guy nearly 15 years her junior (they're now married!); and I was struggling to get pregnant...or...decide if I even wanted to stay in my marriage (a strange and awful combination that eventually tipped to the latter). Still, she finds (chooses?) joy and peace.
Perhaps I should stop plucking my gray hairs and focus on embracing my own joy and peace ;)
Thursday, August 31, 2017
August 31, 2017
Oh, gosh, I love books!!!! I just got a couple of impulse purchases from Amazon, and I must be the biggest geek ever (no shame!) because here I am, staying up late to read...Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community by Robert D. Putnam. Isn't that the book everyone (except me--I read Savage Inequalities) had to read in college and absolutely loathed because it was long and boring? Oh, but it's sociology! (I'm so excited! And I far from loathed Savage Inequalities, btw.)
Anyways, I've only read a few pages of the introduction, but I can't wait to read more 😊 I look forward to learning more about how we got to where we are right now--a bit (or a lot) stunted in our social organizations and sense of community--and what can we do about it?
I thought of how my parents were involved in social groups when I was young. I think they did stuff with small groups through church, and I remember them having regular get-togethers with friends. We did a cookie exchange with our neighbors every Christmas. But now, I'm not really sure what kinds of groups they are involved in. I think my mom might still do a group through church--or did she stop that? She used to volunteer, but I'm pretty sure that's over. I can't think of a consistent social group my dad has been a part of in the recent past... They were both friendly with the neighbors across the street, but those neighbors moved out to the west coast a few months ago.
As for me, I've lived in Madison a little over a year now, and have yet to really find "my people". Admittedly, I haven't made a lot of effort to look--or wait, have I? I did a fair amount of volunteering last fall, and have gone to a couple knitting meetups. I've taken some classes--a one-day art class, a weekend dogsledding (eep!) workshop, a couple months of ballroom dance, and three semester-long credit classes at the community college. I tried out the local Buddhist meditation group a few times, and went to the Unitarian Church a handful of times too. Nothing really made me feel like I was part of a community. Maybe I'm trying the wrong groups?
I'm not the most outgoing personality, and certainly that works against me, but I do have the suspicion that it's just harder to make friends nowadays. Are we just socially inept? Okay, that's not quite what Bowling Alone is about, as far as I can tell--it's more community/social networks than friendships. But it seems related. It's hard to stay involved when the connections don't seem to quite jell. I went to a knitting meetup tonight--there were 6 other women there. No one introduced herself (including me). Maybe they all knew each other really well and were wondering who the heck I was, but it was weird.
Who the heck am I, anyways? Haha. I'm a girl who loves books. Geeky books, all the books. So grateful for books!
Anyways, I've only read a few pages of the introduction, but I can't wait to read more 😊 I look forward to learning more about how we got to where we are right now--a bit (or a lot) stunted in our social organizations and sense of community--and what can we do about it?
I thought of how my parents were involved in social groups when I was young. I think they did stuff with small groups through church, and I remember them having regular get-togethers with friends. We did a cookie exchange with our neighbors every Christmas. But now, I'm not really sure what kinds of groups they are involved in. I think my mom might still do a group through church--or did she stop that? She used to volunteer, but I'm pretty sure that's over. I can't think of a consistent social group my dad has been a part of in the recent past... They were both friendly with the neighbors across the street, but those neighbors moved out to the west coast a few months ago.
As for me, I've lived in Madison a little over a year now, and have yet to really find "my people". Admittedly, I haven't made a lot of effort to look--or wait, have I? I did a fair amount of volunteering last fall, and have gone to a couple knitting meetups. I've taken some classes--a one-day art class, a weekend dogsledding (eep!) workshop, a couple months of ballroom dance, and three semester-long credit classes at the community college. I tried out the local Buddhist meditation group a few times, and went to the Unitarian Church a handful of times too. Nothing really made me feel like I was part of a community. Maybe I'm trying the wrong groups?
I'm not the most outgoing personality, and certainly that works against me, but I do have the suspicion that it's just harder to make friends nowadays. Are we just socially inept? Okay, that's not quite what Bowling Alone is about, as far as I can tell--it's more community/social networks than friendships. But it seems related. It's hard to stay involved when the connections don't seem to quite jell. I went to a knitting meetup tonight--there were 6 other women there. No one introduced herself (including me). Maybe they all knew each other really well and were wondering who the heck I was, but it was weird.
Who the heck am I, anyways? Haha. I'm a girl who loves books. Geeky books, all the books. So grateful for books!
Thursday, February 2, 2017
February 2, 2017
2015 was the year of spinning--yarn, that is--a total of 18 pounds, 11.8 ounces. 2017 will be the year of biking! The biking actually began last summer when I returned to Madison, carless (carfree!) My transportation needs were met with a mix of biking, city bus, and occasionally borrowing my parents' 20-year-old car-on-life-support. I biked to work and volunteering, bused to school (across town), and bought my own car at the end of September, once I'd moved to my own apartment. I could have gotten by without the car, and maybe I should have tried to do it longer to save money, but it sure made life easier. Groceries would have been a burden to always get by bike & backpack, and social time would have been pretty much limited to work and school. Also, I felt like I needed a car to ensure I could get Molly and George to the vet if/when needed.
But even once I had the car, I biked to work every weekday. (Weekends, parking is free, and I admit I took advantage of that!) As the weather got colder, coworkers regularly asked me how long I would keep biking. I told them all that I'd like to bike as long as I can, but I'd take things one day at a time. (Secretly, I was hoping I could bike through winter.) Bitterly cold temperatures in mid-December gave me a bit of a reality check, and I took the bus a few days, but I still managed to bike more days than not to work.
As you can imagine, I became a bit focused on (obsessed with) the weather. I'd check the weather app before leaving for work, paying attention, too, to the forecast for my ride home. I learned what clothing I needed to wear for what temperature points, and I celebrated each 10 degrees cooler that I conquered1!
My somewhat fanatical dedication to biking (remarked on by coworkers) was really just me being a cheap-ass and not wanting to pay for parking if I could avoid it. Parking for the evening shift runs around $350 a year, I think. That really isn't that much, but dammit, I'm not going to pay for it if I don't have to! And so far, on February 2nd, I've paid exactly $12 for parking since starting at my job 6 and a half months ago (I missed the bus one day, and it was snowing). Of course...I may have spent a few dollars on needed bike gear...a few dollars, like, more than $350 at this point2! But I'm not paying for parking, haha! I figure parking would be an annual expense, but this gear should last me (much) longer. Additionally, I'm saving on gas & car maintenance, and I'm getting great exercise.
Anyways, 2017: I'm going to keep track of my mileage :) I don't have a specific goal in mind, other than 'a lot'. I think if I bike less than 1,000 miles, there'd be something weird happening (like a broken leg or extended illness). Would I like to hit a (much) bigger number? Of course ;) But we'll see. January, admittedly not the best month for biking, I managed 64.5 miles, over 8 days of biking. June, there's a tentative bike trip in northern Wisconsin (location of many great adventures already!) The bike trip has been on my bucket list for a number of years; 2017 is the year it happens3!
But even once I had the car, I biked to work every weekday. (Weekends, parking is free, and I admit I took advantage of that!) As the weather got colder, coworkers regularly asked me how long I would keep biking. I told them all that I'd like to bike as long as I can, but I'd take things one day at a time. (Secretly, I was hoping I could bike through winter.) Bitterly cold temperatures in mid-December gave me a bit of a reality check, and I took the bus a few days, but I still managed to bike more days than not to work.
As you can imagine, I became a bit focused on (obsessed with) the weather. I'd check the weather app before leaving for work, paying attention, too, to the forecast for my ride home. I learned what clothing I needed to wear for what temperature points, and I celebrated each 10 degrees cooler that I conquered1!
My somewhat fanatical dedication to biking (remarked on by coworkers) was really just me being a cheap-ass and not wanting to pay for parking if I could avoid it. Parking for the evening shift runs around $350 a year, I think. That really isn't that much, but dammit, I'm not going to pay for it if I don't have to! And so far, on February 2nd, I've paid exactly $12 for parking since starting at my job 6 and a half months ago (I missed the bus one day, and it was snowing). Of course...I may have spent a few dollars on needed bike gear...a few dollars, like, more than $350 at this point2! But I'm not paying for parking, haha! I figure parking would be an annual expense, but this gear should last me (much) longer. Additionally, I'm saving on gas & car maintenance, and I'm getting great exercise.
Anyways, 2017: I'm going to keep track of my mileage :) I don't have a specific goal in mind, other than 'a lot'. I think if I bike less than 1,000 miles, there'd be something weird happening (like a broken leg or extended illness). Would I like to hit a (much) bigger number? Of course ;) But we'll see. January, admittedly not the best month for biking, I managed 64.5 miles, over 8 days of biking. June, there's a tentative bike trip in northern Wisconsin (location of many great adventures already!) The bike trip has been on my bucket list for a number of years; 2017 is the year it happens3!
1 I've 'conquered' down to a windchill of about 15. I'd have to get warmer gear (gloves, especially) to go much further.↩
2 There was the derailleur adjustment (about $15), good head & tail lights ($90, I think? SO worth it!), warm gloves ($75, meh, could be warmer), warm pants ($145--damn, those were pricey, but they are amazing and worth every penny!), a balaclava ($45--it's so awesome!), safety goggles to cut the wind ($10, and I got what I paid for), and just last week, fenders ($75, installed, they're beautiful, and keep my clothes from being a slushy mess). Brakes will be replaced this weekend, estimated $140.↩
3 Woot! Footnotes!↩
Sunday, January 29, 2017
January 28, 2017
I think this will be more of an update-style for my family (and friends? Does anyone read this? Buehler?)
Classes started up again two weeks ago, and I'm committed financially, so I guess I'd better start studying, huh? Haha, I'm taking a class on Race & Ethnicity in the U.S. and the other is an introductory sociology course. First impressions: Race & Ethnicity--it's a lot of reading of articles, which I think will be much more interesting than reading a textbook, so hooray for that. Work outside of reading appears to be minimal--no real papers, no real tests (which makes me question if this is a real class...) Eh, well, it may not be the most academically rigorous, but I intend to get as much as I can out of the content--the reading & class discussion--and ignore the fact that there isn't more other 'work'. A bonus with the class is I volunteered to be a notetaker for a classmate with a disability. Assuming the classmate doesn't drop the class before it's halfway done, the college will give me a $75 gift card to the bookstore at the end of the semester. Not bad for doing the same stuff (showing up & taking notes) I would have done anyways!
The sociology intro class, well, that's going to be academically rigorous, all right. There will be 4-5 writing assignments, plus a research project which hasn't been detailed too much. Lots of reading, four exams, etc. It's a bit intimidating, but I'm trying to trust it will all be okay. My TA is awesome, anyways. She's smart, sassy, and a self-confessed cat lady. What's not to like?
But yeah, the readings for both classes so far have been amazing. SO interesting. I love this stuff! I'm heading to Half-Price Books today to buy an overambitious stack of books that I likely won't have time to read anytime soon. Ah, but hope! I'm finding myself most intrigued with issues of inequality in the field of sociology--gender, race, class, age. I've been debating about whether grad school is in my future. Well, I think it is, but I guess which track. Almost a year ago I started thinking about a Master's in Social Work. After taking these awesome classes in sociology (last semester and this), I'm wondering if I should shift to a Master's/PhD in Sociology instead. I worry about putting a tremendous amount of time & effort (and money?!) into something and then halfway through, or at the end, thinking: er, maybe this wasn't the thing after all. I'm not even sure a lot of soul-searching will bring me to a definitive answer. Either route would be a long journey that would require continual re-commitment to the goal. There'd surely be moments of doubt when I'd have to just trust that it'll work out, but well, isn't that the point of doubt--you're lacking faith? Eh, I struggle with this kind of stuff...
Anyways. I ordered a new-new sofa today. The old-new sofa I ordered back in December was not-delivered a week or so ago (after being on backorder for a month, argh!). The arrangement of walls and corners leading to my apartment would have required the sofa to be tipped vertically, and wouldn't you know, I ordered a sofa that was 95" long, and that's exactly how tall the ceilings are in the hallway. The delivery guys took a quick look & a measurement and didn't even attempt it. Dammit. So I dragged Chris along on the sofa hunt, part two, but he was just a delight to have along--easy going as a puppy! (It was almost annoying, because I just wanted to get it done, dammit, and he was just so cheery!) I knew from the first trip that there wasn't much I liked in my price range. The 95" behemoth was the only real option given my constraints. So I dreaded having to choose a new-new sofa that was either not what I wanted in terms of style/comfort, or not what I wanted in terms of price. In the end, I expanded my desires in both areas: I'm getting a faux leather sofa(?!) I never would have expected that! It's really quite lovely to look at (hopefully George will agree...), and Goldilocks in terms of firm-plush. It's a mere 78" long ;) and priced about $100 more than I wanted to spend, but whatever. Done. Also: it was in stock, and will be here Wednesday. About time!
Lastly, Chris and I went to the Galleries at the Overture Center. There was a handmade book exhibit I wanted to see--ohh, it was so amazing!!! Equal parts inspiring (I want to do that!) and intimidating (I could never do that!) Sigh. Taking a class in bookbinding is something I've wanted to do for years. It's happening, this spring. There's an 8-week class through the UW extension, but also a one-day class that I think I might take instead. Eight weeks is a lot of commitment to squeeze into everything else!
And now, Half-Price Books is calling...
Classes started up again two weeks ago, and I'm committed financially, so I guess I'd better start studying, huh? Haha, I'm taking a class on Race & Ethnicity in the U.S. and the other is an introductory sociology course. First impressions: Race & Ethnicity--it's a lot of reading of articles, which I think will be much more interesting than reading a textbook, so hooray for that. Work outside of reading appears to be minimal--no real papers, no real tests (which makes me question if this is a real class...) Eh, well, it may not be the most academically rigorous, but I intend to get as much as I can out of the content--the reading & class discussion--and ignore the fact that there isn't more other 'work'. A bonus with the class is I volunteered to be a notetaker for a classmate with a disability. Assuming the classmate doesn't drop the class before it's halfway done, the college will give me a $75 gift card to the bookstore at the end of the semester. Not bad for doing the same stuff (showing up & taking notes) I would have done anyways!
The sociology intro class, well, that's going to be academically rigorous, all right. There will be 4-5 writing assignments, plus a research project which hasn't been detailed too much. Lots of reading, four exams, etc. It's a bit intimidating, but I'm trying to trust it will all be okay. My TA is awesome, anyways. She's smart, sassy, and a self-confessed cat lady. What's not to like?
But yeah, the readings for both classes so far have been amazing. SO interesting. I love this stuff! I'm heading to Half-Price Books today to buy an overambitious stack of books that I likely won't have time to read anytime soon. Ah, but hope! I'm finding myself most intrigued with issues of inequality in the field of sociology--gender, race, class, age. I've been debating about whether grad school is in my future. Well, I think it is, but I guess which track. Almost a year ago I started thinking about a Master's in Social Work. After taking these awesome classes in sociology (last semester and this), I'm wondering if I should shift to a Master's/PhD in Sociology instead. I worry about putting a tremendous amount of time & effort (and money?!) into something and then halfway through, or at the end, thinking: er, maybe this wasn't the thing after all. I'm not even sure a lot of soul-searching will bring me to a definitive answer. Either route would be a long journey that would require continual re-commitment to the goal. There'd surely be moments of doubt when I'd have to just trust that it'll work out, but well, isn't that the point of doubt--you're lacking faith? Eh, I struggle with this kind of stuff...
Anyways. I ordered a new-new sofa today. The old-new sofa I ordered back in December was not-delivered a week or so ago (after being on backorder for a month, argh!). The arrangement of walls and corners leading to my apartment would have required the sofa to be tipped vertically, and wouldn't you know, I ordered a sofa that was 95" long, and that's exactly how tall the ceilings are in the hallway. The delivery guys took a quick look & a measurement and didn't even attempt it. Dammit. So I dragged Chris along on the sofa hunt, part two, but he was just a delight to have along--easy going as a puppy! (It was almost annoying, because I just wanted to get it done, dammit, and he was just so cheery!) I knew from the first trip that there wasn't much I liked in my price range. The 95" behemoth was the only real option given my constraints. So I dreaded having to choose a new-new sofa that was either not what I wanted in terms of style/comfort, or not what I wanted in terms of price. In the end, I expanded my desires in both areas: I'm getting a faux leather sofa(?!) I never would have expected that! It's really quite lovely to look at (hopefully George will agree...), and Goldilocks in terms of firm-plush. It's a mere 78" long ;) and priced about $100 more than I wanted to spend, but whatever. Done. Also: it was in stock, and will be here Wednesday. About time!
Lastly, Chris and I went to the Galleries at the Overture Center. There was a handmade book exhibit I wanted to see--ohh, it was so amazing!!! Equal parts inspiring (I want to do that!) and intimidating (I could never do that!) Sigh. Taking a class in bookbinding is something I've wanted to do for years. It's happening, this spring. There's an 8-week class through the UW extension, but also a one-day class that I think I might take instead. Eight weeks is a lot of commitment to squeeze into everything else!
And now, Half-Price Books is calling...
Monday, December 19, 2016
December 20, 2016
A woman on Ravelry posted a photo of a lovely handspun hat
she just finished (oh, the stripes!).
She was wearing the hat, looking either bored or contemplative. She clarified that she was more deep in
thought than bored, and when I started to comment on her post, my compliment on
her hat quickly got buried in thoughts on thoughtfulness. I edited back to the compliment, and decided
to do a blog post for the rest!
It's a good season for spending some time
thinking--holidays, cold (if you're a northerner), end of the year/start of the
new. I've needed to slow down and reflect some myself recently--on
the past year (a doozy, good and bad) and the near & distant future.
If, as Herod, we fill our lives with things, and again with things; if we consider ourselves so unimportant that we must fill every moment of our lives with action, when will we have time to make the long slow journey across the desert as did the magi? Or sit and watch the stars as did the shepherds? Or brood over the coming of the child as did Mary? For each one of us there is a desert to travel, a star to discover, and a being within ourselves to bring to life.
- Anonymous
The “If as Herod” quote has been tumbling
around my head the past few days, appropriate for the season, but a good
reminder any time of the year that if I want to “travel…discover…” and “[bring]
a being within [myself]…to life”, I’ve got to make a long slow journey, sit and
watch, and maybe even brood. I have
definitely been filling my life with things and action the past six
months. Not that I consider myself so
important—oh wait, that’s not what the quote says—the quote says if we consider
ourselves unimportant, then we fill our lives with things. Shit.
Fail.
I’ve been busy the
past six months—after beginning divorce proceedings (still in progress-sigh)
and moving a thousand miles across the country, I started a new job, went back
to school part-time, found and furnished (still working on it!) an apartment,
bought a car, ran my first 5K (hooray!!!), and went on over a dozen first dates
(as well as a half-dozen second dates, now seeing Dr. Cashmere for almost two
months).
Have I made any long slow journeys? Well, yeah, that 1,000-mile drive home was
long, all right! And the divorce has
been an agonizing(ly slow) Journey with a capital J! Have I sat and watched the stars? Actually, I have spent some solid time star-gazing. They’re a lovely sight that I mostly missed
in the washout of NYC light pollution the past two years, but I’ve admired Orion
while biking home from work at night, and done some impromptu yoga back bends
with Cassiopeia while Molly debates the merits of this patch of grass or
that. Have I brooded over the coming of
a child? Just maybe-- I am that child,
that being within that demands (new) life, though brooding over myself…well,
yeah, that pretty much happened too, haha!
So, literally and without thinking of it, I’ve actually
done what the quote suggests. But, at
the risk of being too self-critical, I think I may have missed the true message
of the quote, which is to slow the fuck
down, already. I had worried that with
all I was up to these past months, I was going to get sick. I averaged around 5-6 hours of sleep a night (on that
damn futon1), and food was fuel, not necessarily of the most nutritious or
balanced variety. Except for a very
brief cold, I surprisingly managed to stay in good physical health (did the
jogging, biking, and swimming help?)
Hmm, but did I fall ill in a spiritual sense, maybe? My beloved spiritual side mostly disappeared
around September when I was last reading Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet and sending loving kindness to my bosses (ugh), the ex (UGH), and the cashier at the grocery store. In hindsight, I’ve missed that spiritual
depth. It’s rekindled a bit the last
week, with more free time after classes ended, and the divorce seems to have reached
a point of temporary rest. I also
received a new issue of Spirituality and Health magazine at just the right time
when I have set aside class readings at my dinner break and can read whatever I
choose (the luxury of time! the bliss of choice!). So I’ve been reading the magazine, as well as
a book I picked up at the college library: The
Renaissance Soul: Life Design for People with Too Many Passions to Pick Just
One (sounds like me!).
I’m still journeying, still watching, still brooding. I’m not sure I have any travels, discoveries,
or new life to report on (yet) but I’m hoping that writing this post, I’ll keep
that spiritual side a little closer to my heart and see what comes of it…
1 December 24 update: 'adult' bed set delivered!!! Thank you Santa...er...Steinhafel's financing, lol. ↩
Wednesday, October 26, 2016
October 26, 2016
Today was a strange mix of highs and lows. It was a rainy day, and as I walked from the parking lot to class, my shoes and socks got wet and stayed that way all day (multiple trips between parking lot & class). Sigh. In my morning class, we finished a film about how women are portrayed in the media, and then followed that with discussion and a power point presentation full of really lovely (not) images--ads showing women objectified, sexualized, dehumanized. It. was. awful. I have pretty much eliminated tv from my life--I literally do not own one, and haven't watched anything since the Olympics were on back in August. I think the last movie I saw was Inside Out, which came out over a year ago. I never pick up the kinds of magazines (women's magazines, especially fashion) that I imagine would carry the kind of ads we saw in class. In other words, my eyes and brain were naive and innocent, and the nearly pornographic and violent images our professor showed were just too much. I sat there, trying to breathe, and realized my heart was pounding. It didn't feel like a panic attack, but in hindsight, I realize my body was in fight-or-flight mode. I felt wildly unsafe, viewing those images, and hearing the discussion of them. The class was a a very safe place, but...just seeing those images, I felt overwhelmed at how unsafe the world, and my place as a woman in it, felt just then. Who makes these images?! Who thinks this portrayal of women is okay?! And who--how many hundreds of thousands of people see these images and just casually flip the page, not feeling anything is amiss?!
Do you feel like something is wrong with these?!
I had to leave class. It was just too much. I cried a few minutes, wishing I hadn't had to see those images and experience/feel that, then realized that this is important. Feeling unsafe and enraged is an important first step to doing something to change this.
And then a high: I took 153 pounds of my ex's stuff to FedEx to ship to him1. I stood there and imagined that weight being removed from my shoulders. Sigh! The bonus was the guy who helped me was just so damn nice. He asked for the return address, and I started to give it to him, then remembered I don't want my ex to know where I live, and changed to my parents' address. We chatted while he worked, and he generously reassured me it gets better, that he was happily remarried after a bad first marriage, and will be celebrating his 20th anniversary next week. After helping repack several boxes and explaining the tracking numbers, he shook my hand and wished me good luck. I left and just felt so stunned at how sometimes the kindness of the least significant people in our lives can mean so much. A doctor can save lives, offer hope & healing, but so can the guy at FedEx. God bless him.
Back to school for my afternoon class...where we finished watching a documentary on rape and sexual assault on college campuses. SIGH. After the morning class, I just wasn't feeling very up to it. I hated to walk out of a second class in one day, so I doodled anxiously in a notebook to dissociate a bit from the film. Oh, you should see that sheet of paper! It is a mess of misquoted poems (I have them memorized, but couldn't recall them well in the emotional state), random words in alphabetical order, Japanese hiragana, most of the 50 states (also alphabetical). It was a tough class. After class, I spoke with the professor a bit and shared that I'd left the morning class because it was just too much. I half-joked that if she'd taught these topics at the start of the semester, I'd have dropped out, but now I'm trapped and have to finish the semester. I also half-joked that I planned to go home and cuddle my cat the rest of the afternoon and evening. She apologized, but I told her it's really okay. This stuff is real, and while it's awful, not learning about it, knowing about it, facing it, feeling about it, won't change it.
I left school and drove home, crying again about the two difficult, too-difficult classes. I stopped at the post office to mail a few things, and lo--another high! There was no line. And it was 4:30pm! How is that possible?! It sounds ridiculous, but seriously. I have bad, BAD luck with post offices. This was like a winning lottery ticket. In and out, and only $3.40 poorer :)
Just over four weeks until the 5k. I'm so excited! I'm up to 5:00 jogging / 2:00 walking intervals, x5. My total distance is right around a 5k now (actually 4 miles today!), and the jogging sections are easy enough that I sometimes push the pace a bit harder. I'm feeling very optimistic :D The other day I jogged far enough to discover a lovely boardwalk path back into a marshy area of the Arboretum. It's a great motivator to jog just a bit farther. This evening by the time I got home, it was getting dark quickly, drizzling still, and rather chilly. Not especially inviting weather to go jogging in, but I headed out anyways. I came across a muskrat (!), and Lake Wingra was a beautiful shade of gray, matching the sky perfectly. Despite being a chilly, dark-and-stormy-night, it was a really great night for a jog. I just feel like it's so great to get out, no matter the weather, and LIVE and remember there's a whole world out there, beyond tv and internet. It fills me with joy :D
This past week, the jogging got suddenly and unexpectedly easier and more fun. As I wrote, I'm feeling very optimistic about the 5k. Originally, I thought I'd just get through it, cross it off "the list" and quit jogging for life (haha) but...now I'm not so sure :) I have a feeling after this run, there may be something else...another (faster!) 5k, or a 10k. I feel so strong and powerful and beautiful (in my strength) when I'm out jogging. I don't think I'll quit after this ;)
And so that was my day...low, high, low, high. Intense, but I still wouldn't trade it for boring :) Months ago, I read a brief piece on being "Soulfully Single and Open for Love". I thought: yes, this. This is what I want. To be soulfully single. I think it definitely took me a few months to get there, after leaving NYC, but I've been feeling the soulful acceptance of --whatever life brings-- the past month or so. I may have even gone a bit overboard--I'm may be feeling a bit more "Intimidatingly Independent" than "soulfully single", haha (intentional capitalization there!). If anyone wants my love, he's going to have to really run to catch me, and I'm getting faster and stronger every day :D
Do you feel like something is wrong with these?!
I had to leave class. It was just too much. I cried a few minutes, wishing I hadn't had to see those images and experience/feel that, then realized that this is important. Feeling unsafe and enraged is an important first step to doing something to change this.
And then a high: I took 153 pounds of my ex's stuff to FedEx to ship to him1. I stood there and imagined that weight being removed from my shoulders. Sigh! The bonus was the guy who helped me was just so damn nice. He asked for the return address, and I started to give it to him, then remembered I don't want my ex to know where I live, and changed to my parents' address. We chatted while he worked, and he generously reassured me it gets better, that he was happily remarried after a bad first marriage, and will be celebrating his 20th anniversary next week. After helping repack several boxes and explaining the tracking numbers, he shook my hand and wished me good luck. I left and just felt so stunned at how sometimes the kindness of the least significant people in our lives can mean so much. A doctor can save lives, offer hope & healing, but so can the guy at FedEx. God bless him.
Back to school for my afternoon class...where we finished watching a documentary on rape and sexual assault on college campuses. SIGH. After the morning class, I just wasn't feeling very up to it. I hated to walk out of a second class in one day, so I doodled anxiously in a notebook to dissociate a bit from the film. Oh, you should see that sheet of paper! It is a mess of misquoted poems (I have them memorized, but couldn't recall them well in the emotional state), random words in alphabetical order, Japanese hiragana, most of the 50 states (also alphabetical). It was a tough class. After class, I spoke with the professor a bit and shared that I'd left the morning class because it was just too much. I half-joked that if she'd taught these topics at the start of the semester, I'd have dropped out, but now I'm trapped and have to finish the semester. I also half-joked that I planned to go home and cuddle my cat the rest of the afternoon and evening. She apologized, but I told her it's really okay. This stuff is real, and while it's awful, not learning about it, knowing about it, facing it, feeling about it, won't change it.
I left school and drove home, crying again about the two difficult, too-difficult classes. I stopped at the post office to mail a few things, and lo--another high! There was no line. And it was 4:30pm! How is that possible?! It sounds ridiculous, but seriously. I have bad, BAD luck with post offices. This was like a winning lottery ticket. In and out, and only $3.40 poorer :)
Just over four weeks until the 5k. I'm so excited! I'm up to 5:00 jogging / 2:00 walking intervals, x5. My total distance is right around a 5k now (actually 4 miles today!), and the jogging sections are easy enough that I sometimes push the pace a bit harder. I'm feeling very optimistic :D The other day I jogged far enough to discover a lovely boardwalk path back into a marshy area of the Arboretum. It's a great motivator to jog just a bit farther. This evening by the time I got home, it was getting dark quickly, drizzling still, and rather chilly. Not especially inviting weather to go jogging in, but I headed out anyways. I came across a muskrat (!), and Lake Wingra was a beautiful shade of gray, matching the sky perfectly. Despite being a chilly, dark-and-stormy-night, it was a really great night for a jog. I just feel like it's so great to get out, no matter the weather, and LIVE and remember there's a whole world out there, beyond tv and internet. It fills me with joy :D
This past week, the jogging got suddenly and unexpectedly easier and more fun. As I wrote, I'm feeling very optimistic about the 5k. Originally, I thought I'd just get through it, cross it off "the list" and quit jogging for life (haha) but...now I'm not so sure :) I have a feeling after this run, there may be something else...another (faster!) 5k, or a 10k. I feel so strong and powerful and beautiful (in my strength) when I'm out jogging. I don't think I'll quit after this ;)
And so that was my day...low, high, low, high. Intense, but I still wouldn't trade it for boring :) Months ago, I read a brief piece on being "Soulfully Single and Open for Love". I thought: yes, this. This is what I want. To be soulfully single. I think it definitely took me a few months to get there, after leaving NYC, but I've been feeling the soulful acceptance of --whatever life brings-- the past month or so. I may have even gone a bit overboard--I'm may be feeling a bit more "Intimidatingly Independent" than "soulfully single", haha (intentional capitalization there!). If anyone wants my love, he's going to have to really run to catch me, and I'm getting faster and stronger every day :D
Thursday, October 20, 2016
October 20, 2016
I've signed up for my first 5k--a turkey trot Thanksgiving morning. I've wanted to do a 5k for...oh, about 8 or 9 years now. I've tried the Couch-to-5k training program...oh, about 5 or 6 times now, haha, ever hopeful! Usually I get motivated in the spring or fall, when the weather is nicest, and then after a few weeks...well, I'm not sure what happens. Maybe it gets too hard, or I get distracted by some new thing to sink my time and energy into. Knowing me, it's probably more the latter (ooh, shiny!)
I had been jogging this past spring in New York, and had a 5k picked out--close to home, cheap entry, far enough in the future to give me a chance to get up to a point where I can jog the whole thing. Of course, life intervened (in a pretty huge way), I never signed up, and didn't continue jogging.
This fall, in Madison, with so many things going on (work, school, looking for an apartment--and then a car, also: wrapping up that life interruption), I somehow found the spare time and energy to start jogging again, found a new 5k to set my sights on, and on the last day before the registration fee increased, I committed myself (or at least $40) to the run!
It helps a lot that I live close to some great jogging paths--the UW Arboretum is nearly my backyard, and Lake Monona is just a short bike ride away. I got a bit sidelined this past week and a half with a cold, but with the 5k coming up in five weeks, I went out again for a run this afternoon, lingering cold symptoms be damned. I started on the usual paved roads in/around the Arb, but noticed a trail going off into a wooded area and immediately took the path less traveled ;)
It was one of those beautiful and enchanting places where the trees arch close overhead, creating a cathedral-like effect. The gently curving path gave just enough of an inviting view ahead. I didn't have to remind myself to relax and enjoy the run. The ground was low and a bit soft, but as I jogged on, the ground turned positively soggy and mud sucked at my shoes. I was really having too much fun to slow down, so I bounded left and right across the worst of the mud, hoping to land on a drier and firmer bit of ground. Leaping, laughing, frolicking, trying not to twist an ankle! I need to run cross country more often--it's much more fun than pounding pavement.
On the way back, I felt so good about the run--just about getting out and doing it, continuing to do it, the joy of the path--and the mud! I felt, again, gratitude. For my strong, healthy, beautiful body that allows me to have these happy moments, for the time and energy and dedication. In a moment, I realized: this jog is my prayer of thanks.
I had been jogging this past spring in New York, and had a 5k picked out--close to home, cheap entry, far enough in the future to give me a chance to get up to a point where I can jog the whole thing. Of course, life intervened (in a pretty huge way), I never signed up, and didn't continue jogging.
This fall, in Madison, with so many things going on (work, school, looking for an apartment--and then a car, also: wrapping up that life interruption), I somehow found the spare time and energy to start jogging again, found a new 5k to set my sights on, and on the last day before the registration fee increased, I committed myself (or at least $40) to the run!
It helps a lot that I live close to some great jogging paths--the UW Arboretum is nearly my backyard, and Lake Monona is just a short bike ride away. I got a bit sidelined this past week and a half with a cold, but with the 5k coming up in five weeks, I went out again for a run this afternoon, lingering cold symptoms be damned. I started on the usual paved roads in/around the Arb, but noticed a trail going off into a wooded area and immediately took the path less traveled ;)
It was one of those beautiful and enchanting places where the trees arch close overhead, creating a cathedral-like effect. The gently curving path gave just enough of an inviting view ahead. I didn't have to remind myself to relax and enjoy the run. The ground was low and a bit soft, but as I jogged on, the ground turned positively soggy and mud sucked at my shoes. I was really having too much fun to slow down, so I bounded left and right across the worst of the mud, hoping to land on a drier and firmer bit of ground. Leaping, laughing, frolicking, trying not to twist an ankle! I need to run cross country more often--it's much more fun than pounding pavement.
On the way back, I felt so good about the run--just about getting out and doing it, continuing to do it, the joy of the path--and the mud! I felt, again, gratitude. For my strong, healthy, beautiful body that allows me to have these happy moments, for the time and energy and dedication. In a moment, I realized: this jog is my prayer of thanks.
Monday, October 17, 2016
October 17, 2016
A surprising realization today...
I was taking a walk with a friend earlier and he was talking about his work, past and present. His expressed some uncertainty about what his future held for employment--just that he wasn't sure what he wanted to do next. So I pulled out the million dollar question, which I first learned from my sister, who was asked it by a college advisor: if you had a million dollars, what would you do with your life? (My sister's undergraduate advisor asked her this question probably 15 years ago; we might need to adjust "one million" for inflation purposes!1) The point is, if money were no object, what kind of work would you most like to do? In other words, what is your true passion, that you might be ignoring because of fear that it won't pay the bills? His response was writing a novel or two. (Sweet dream, btw, go do it!) The conversation got distracted, probably by a certain dog who was tagging along (she wanted to chase after ducks...), but a while later, after hearing about my work, past & present, he turned the question back to me.
I was momentarily speechless. I have thought of this question many times in the past, and always had a ready answer, but today, I was grasping at a void. My immediate reaction was so unexpected that I looked right past it: I'd do what I'm doing right now, nearly exactly. Whoa. I mean, this is big. This is seriously huge. I'm satisfied with my life right now! So satisfied that a million dollars wouldn't immediately make me jump ship at my job and otherwise drastically alter the course of my life. I love my classes. I'm optimistic about the direction I'm heading, career wise. My coworkers are 98% fantastic (really, that's an incredibly high percent). I know my current job isn't the job I want to have forever, but it fits into my life right now. And while that imaginary million dollars would certainly be welcomed, celebrated, and put to some use, it wouldn't make me change my life much. Granted, my life at the moment is far from static. I've got a number of dreams, short and long term that I'm working towards, but given that million, I'd keep moving forward as I am.
It seems a common theme at the end of my blog posts lately, but again, I am grateful. So grateful that the rebuilding of my life is going so well, and that I've found more satisfaction than I would have imagined possible.
I was taking a walk with a friend earlier and he was talking about his work, past and present. His expressed some uncertainty about what his future held for employment--just that he wasn't sure what he wanted to do next. So I pulled out the million dollar question, which I first learned from my sister, who was asked it by a college advisor: if you had a million dollars, what would you do with your life? (My sister's undergraduate advisor asked her this question probably 15 years ago; we might need to adjust "one million" for inflation purposes!1) The point is, if money were no object, what kind of work would you most like to do? In other words, what is your true passion, that you might be ignoring because of fear that it won't pay the bills? His response was writing a novel or two. (Sweet dream, btw, go do it!) The conversation got distracted, probably by a certain dog who was tagging along (she wanted to chase after ducks...), but a while later, after hearing about my work, past & present, he turned the question back to me.
I was momentarily speechless. I have thought of this question many times in the past, and always had a ready answer, but today, I was grasping at a void. My immediate reaction was so unexpected that I looked right past it: I'd do what I'm doing right now, nearly exactly. Whoa. I mean, this is big. This is seriously huge. I'm satisfied with my life right now! So satisfied that a million dollars wouldn't immediately make me jump ship at my job and otherwise drastically alter the course of my life. I love my classes. I'm optimistic about the direction I'm heading, career wise. My coworkers are 98% fantastic (really, that's an incredibly high percent). I know my current job isn't the job I want to have forever, but it fits into my life right now. And while that imaginary million dollars would certainly be welcomed, celebrated, and put to some use, it wouldn't make me change my life much. Granted, my life at the moment is far from static. I've got a number of dreams, short and long term that I'm working towards, but given that million, I'd keep moving forward as I am.
It seems a common theme at the end of my blog posts lately, but again, I am grateful. So grateful that the rebuilding of my life is going so well, and that I've found more satisfaction than I would have imagined possible.
Wednesday, October 12, 2016
October 12, 2016
Last night was pretty rough. I received an email that was useless and abuse-full. I read it late last night and the emotions it stirred up spilled over into today. After my morning class, I thought maybe I'd just skip the afternoon class and take some time to recharge (probably cuddling my cat on this cold rainy day). But I was reluctant to miss and after a bit of time and a decent meal, I headed back to campus for Social Problems.
Before I started the semester, I predicted, I think fairly accurately, that Sociology of Gender would be really interesting, and Social Problems would be pretty depressing. Today's Social Problems class, we looked at global gender inequality. The first power point slide: Acid Throwing (complete with photos). I hung my head and covered my face with my hands. I thought: I just can't do this today. I can't look at this stuff, hear about this stuff, think about this stuff, absorb these realities into my head and heart and soul. I debated leaving the class, but stuck around as slide after slide, we covered the greater horrors of being a woman in the world today (today--2016!): dowry deaths, femicide, rape, honor killings, sex slavery, etc. Not an uplifting afternoon, especially layered on a rough night.
At one point, a man in the class told us how, when he was deployed to Afghanistan, his unit came upon someone being stoned (seriously? 2016!). They tried to intervene, but their leader had to order them to move on. It wasn't something they could stop, and they needed to continue their mission. The student spoke about it soberly, and it was clear he had a hard time reconciling the fact that he had to walk away from that. He said he signed on to protect life--granted, the life of Americans--but seeing that, he felt the same call to protect life regardless of nationality, and ultimately, couldn't. The class was silent. It was, literally, a moment of silence. I felt horrified by his experience, but honored that he shared it with us.
On the way home after class, I cranked up some Lady Gaga. I just needed a female power anthem, and I hadn't listened to Born This Way in a few months. Driving down East Wash in my new-to-me red Prius, base thumping...I felt strong, proud, secure. But towards the end of the song, everything hit me: my privilege. And then: tears of gratitude.
I am so lucky. To live in a country where I can work full time. Go to school. Live on my own. Buy my own car. Listen to female power anthems. Meet guys of my choosing. Tell a guy I'd like to see him again. Tell a guy I don't want to see him again. Marry a guy I love, divorce a guy I don't, and have legal rights and social acceptance either way. Hell, I can change 'guy' to 'girl' in those sentences if I'd like. I can have a baby as a single woman (sperm donor, adoption) or I can marry and use birth control. I have these and hundreds of other choices.
I can ride a bike--we learned in class that women in Saudi Arabia were just granted permission to ride bikes in 2013, and then: only fully covered and with a male guardian. It was after midnight when I left work last night; I biked home, alone, from my full-time job to my apartment where I live alone (not lonely!). I wore pants and a top and didn't give my clothes a second thought beyond wishing I had worn something a bit warmer.
I don't often realize the ways I have the privilege of choice. I'm sure there are hundreds of freedoms and rights I have--and take for granted--that other women, if they attempted to do those things I don't even think about--would risk death.
It was an awful and awesome class, and I am so grateful.
October 10, 2016
Last night I tried to watch the presidential debate. I only made it through 15 or 20 minutes before Trump's inability to acknowledge his mistakes and sincerely apologize for them, his repeated excuses ("locker room talk"), denials, and deflections, the way he dragged the focus to someone else's unrelated mistakes...left me too disgusted and angry to continue to watch. I felt a personal empathy towards Hillary, having to stand there and just listen to him. What can you say when someone utterly refuses to accept responsibility for their loathsome actions and beliefs? You can attempt to help them see their errors and the gravity of them, but there are some who so steadfastly refuse self-reflection and empathy that your effort is wasted and you end up more frustrated than ever at your powerlessness. I couldn't watch any more, I saw more than enough.
This morning between classes, I swam some laps as I usually do. I returned to the locker room, showered, and got dressed. When I was nearly ready to leave, two other women came into the locker room--one quite elderly who I see swimming and doing water exercises regularly, the other a strong young woman who clearly swims/swam at a competitive level. I overheard the younger praise the older for swimming so consistently. The older woman minimized the compliment saying she often finds it hard to get motivated to keep coming back, but that she does shoulder exercises in the water that will help her avoid a surgery. The younger woman again enthusiastically reiterated her admiration for the older woman's dedication and effort.
And I thought to myself: this is locker room talk. Here is a one woman encouraging and building another up. Yes, in the relative privacy of a locker room (or similar setting), we can resort to less noble topics. But the topics we chose to speak on are chosen, they are choices that reflect our personal values. The locker room talk I overheard was beautiful and timely. I am so grateful.
Saturday, October 8, 2016
October 8, 2016
Wow, just read over my last post, from the day after I arrived back in Madison. It's been a few months since that vulnerable time, and I'm absolutely thrilled to get back here and share: vulnerability be damned, this is an awesome time in my life. I've had my moments (but only a few) and overwhelmingly, this was the right direction to take in my life. No regrets.
I've been busy as hell (in a good way) and have thought of this languishing blog a number of times, but just couldn't seem to find the time to sit down at it. I guess I regret that...documenting my journey over the last few months would have been really valuable. Alas. It's documented in my head & heart, which will satisfy me.
I've worked at my new job for almost three months now. I make IVs (and other sterile products) the entire 40 hour workweek. At times it gets a bit tedious--I quite literally stand in one place for 8 hours. But I did always say I'd love to make IVs all day, and--wish granted! The hospital is large (and in charge, haha), so the variety of products I make keeps it interesting. Some highlights: I can now claim to have worked with arsenic (!); a medication that is a relative of mustard gas (!); and a good number of drugs that are used in the prevention of organ rejection (I SO love being a tiny part of the organ transplant world!). Put like that, my job is pretty f'ing awesome! On the other hand, I can legitimately describe my job as full of "drugs, alcohol, and loud music" (the alcohol being 70% isopropyl--used for disinfection purposes; the music being Pandora, to keep the Oompa Loompas happy and drown out the HEPA filtration systems.) I'm really not the type of person who generally enjoys "drugs, alcohol, and loud music", which is, I guess, why they have to pay me to do this stuff :P My coworkers are about as great as I could hope for--generally hard working and helpful to one another. And I get scrubs provided by the hospital--and laundered by them too. Best job perk ever.
I started classes, with trepidation, at the end of August. It's been a while (uh, like ten years) and I just didn't quite know what I was getting myself into. Ohh, but they are great! I'm taking two classes--Sociology of Gender and Social Problems. Social Problems pales in comparison to the Gender class. The problems are, well, depressing, though there's some interesting points that come up now and then. Probably the best part of that class is just learning more about how conservatives & liberals view social problems and what each group feels is the best way to solve them. I'm confirming over and over again my undeniable liberal political stance. Every. Issue. Liberal. (Okay, I admit, once in a while the conservatives have a good point or two, but forced to choose a side, it's still liberal.)
Sociology of Gender...seriously, everyone needs to run to their nearest community college (especially if that is Madison College--the professor is amazing) and take this class right now. It's fascinating (from an intellectual standpoint), but also personal. I doubt it matters how you define your gender or sexuality, the topics in this class affect everyone, and I think we can all benefit from increased awareness and discussion of the issues. If you want to know more about what we're studying and my experience of the class, please ask, but I'm going to not go into a passionate lecture here and now ;)
I could tell my one (haha, love you, Ginny!) blog reader about other things in my life: the new apartment, new car (!), volunteering, and other things I'm doing in my very limited free time, but I think this blog post has been narcissistic enough for one day ;)
I've been busy as hell (in a good way) and have thought of this languishing blog a number of times, but just couldn't seem to find the time to sit down at it. I guess I regret that...documenting my journey over the last few months would have been really valuable. Alas. It's documented in my head & heart, which will satisfy me.
I've worked at my new job for almost three months now. I make IVs (and other sterile products) the entire 40 hour workweek. At times it gets a bit tedious--I quite literally stand in one place for 8 hours. But I did always say I'd love to make IVs all day, and--wish granted! The hospital is large (and in charge, haha), so the variety of products I make keeps it interesting. Some highlights: I can now claim to have worked with arsenic (!); a medication that is a relative of mustard gas (!); and a good number of drugs that are used in the prevention of organ rejection (I SO love being a tiny part of the organ transplant world!). Put like that, my job is pretty f'ing awesome! On the other hand, I can legitimately describe my job as full of "drugs, alcohol, and loud music" (the alcohol being 70% isopropyl--used for disinfection purposes; the music being Pandora, to keep the Oompa Loompas happy and drown out the HEPA filtration systems.) I'm really not the type of person who generally enjoys "drugs, alcohol, and loud music", which is, I guess, why they have to pay me to do this stuff :P My coworkers are about as great as I could hope for--generally hard working and helpful to one another. And I get scrubs provided by the hospital--and laundered by them too. Best job perk ever.
I started classes, with trepidation, at the end of August. It's been a while (uh, like ten years) and I just didn't quite know what I was getting myself into. Ohh, but they are great! I'm taking two classes--Sociology of Gender and Social Problems. Social Problems pales in comparison to the Gender class. The problems are, well, depressing, though there's some interesting points that come up now and then. Probably the best part of that class is just learning more about how conservatives & liberals view social problems and what each group feels is the best way to solve them. I'm confirming over and over again my undeniable liberal political stance. Every. Issue. Liberal. (Okay, I admit, once in a while the conservatives have a good point or two, but forced to choose a side, it's still liberal.)
Sociology of Gender...seriously, everyone needs to run to their nearest community college (especially if that is Madison College--the professor is amazing) and take this class right now. It's fascinating (from an intellectual standpoint), but also personal. I doubt it matters how you define your gender or sexuality, the topics in this class affect everyone, and I think we can all benefit from increased awareness and discussion of the issues. If you want to know more about what we're studying and my experience of the class, please ask, but I'm going to not go into a passionate lecture here and now ;)
I could tell my one (haha, love you, Ginny!) blog reader about other things in my life: the new apartment, new car (!), volunteering, and other things I'm doing in my very limited free time, but I think this blog post has been narcissistic enough for one day ;)
Thursday, April 7, 2016
April 7, 2016
Today I worked on spinning up some samples of Leicester Longwool. A friend had given me a little less than an ounce, and she wanted to see how I'd spin as a 2-ply, laceweight, for a lace shawl application. My goal was to spin a fine, smooth yarn, taking into consideration how long each sample took me to make (I was helping her make batts yesterday for her business and took way too long to make the first one, so I figured it'd be fun to see how efficient I can be with my spinning!)
The fiber is prepared as roving, and has some texture (nepps) to it, not to mention some vegetable matter. Not a lot, but enough. It's hard to see in this photo, but trust me, there's some there. (You can see it a bit better if you click on the picture to enlarge.)
In hindsight, I should have spun the fiber just as is first, before playing around with changing the preparation. But I guess I anticipated the roving prep to not be ideal for a fine, smooth laceweight yarn, and I wanted to really see what this fiber could do at its best. For a smooth, fine, laceweight, it really made the most sense to me to comb it to remove the nepps, vm, and shorter fibers. I divided the sample roughly in half. The first half I combed on my Valkyrie ExtraFine combs, making just two tranfers. This resulted in quite a bit of waste, (about 5 grams) but I wanted to be efficient and get the best quality wool, not necessarily the most wool. Anyways, they'll grow more!
The combed prep was divine to spin. It easily spun into a fine, smooth singles that just shined. Plied back on itself, I got ~33 yards (unwashed) in 7 grams. It's definitely laceweight, at 20 wraps per inch. This yarn took me 50 minutes from start to finish. I wish I had broken down the total time into time spent on prep and time spent spinning & plying. This sample had the most yardage, but I think it was one of the fastest and most enjoyable to spin, since I didn't spend any time picking out nepps or vm, and the fibers just flowed. I personally enjoy combing and think the time spent in that extra step was well worth it. I'd happily knit a shawl with this yarn, and I would consider it an heirloom.
The remaining half of the sample I planned to spin as is, in the roving form, nepps and vm included. Compared to the combed top, I really had to fight with the roving to get it fine and smooth. It didn't draft as nicely, and I had to either stop frequently to pick out nepps/vm or just let them be part of the yarn. I knew it wasn't turning out nearly as nice as the combed top and quickly grew frustrated with it. I felt like the fiber was just telling me this isn't how it was supposed to be spun, and I agreed with it. So I stopped before finishing the roving and plied it back on itself. I ended up with 18 yards, unwashed, in 7 grams. This yarn ended up approximately 15 wraps per inch, so more of a fingering to sport weight. It took me 28 minutes, start to finish. It's an okay yarn, more slubby and uneven than the combed sample. It would make a decent lace shawl, but I know the yarn could be so much better, the fiber has so much potential, and I just think this yarn doesn't quite do it justice, so I'm not entirely happy with it. Additionally, the spinning process was not enjoyable; it just didn't flow for me. I wonder if I had spun this prep first, before the lovely combed top, I might have disliked it less?
I really didn't think the roving prep was suited to a fine smooth lace yarn, but I wanted to give the roving a second chance at being a thicker, woolier yarn, so I spun the last few grams thicker, letting the fiber and fiber prep dictate how thick to spin. I barely fussed with vm or nepps this time around, and tried to enjoy the spin more. It was more enjoyable for me to spin the roving at this thickness, as it just seemed more suitable for the preparation and I wasn't fighting so hard to make it thinner than it wanted to be. Plied, it's still got some unevenness and slubs, but the thickness of the yarn seems to hide the slubs better than in the thinner second sample. This sample was just 11.5 yards, 6 grams, and approximately 11 wraps per inch (dk to worsted weight). It took just 15 minutes from start to finish. I do like this yarn, better than the second sample. I feel like the thickness embraces and works with the roving prep better. This fiber isn't next-to-skin soft for me, but I'd definitely enjoy using this yarn in some outerwear or home goods application. There's just enough unevenness to be charming, I think.
My spinning speed averaged 38-46 yards of finished yarn per hour. The sample that took the longest in yards per minute was actually the second sample (38.5 yds/min), where I tried to spin a fine smooth yarn with the roving prep. Surprisingly, the first sample (39.5 yds/min), where I first combed the roving and then spun a fine smooth yarn, resulted in almost the same yards per minute, even given the extra preparation time! Definitely worth that extra step, in my opinion! The final sample, spun as roving, thicker, was the fastest at 46 yds/min.
It was an interesting experiment, and I hope my friend finds it useful, but even if she doesn't, it was enlightening to me!
The fiber is prepared as roving, and has some texture (nepps) to it, not to mention some vegetable matter. Not a lot, but enough. It's hard to see in this photo, but trust me, there's some there. (You can see it a bit better if you click on the picture to enlarge.)
The combed prep was divine to spin. It easily spun into a fine, smooth singles that just shined. Plied back on itself, I got ~33 yards (unwashed) in 7 grams. It's definitely laceweight, at 20 wraps per inch. This yarn took me 50 minutes from start to finish. I wish I had broken down the total time into time spent on prep and time spent spinning & plying. This sample had the most yardage, but I think it was one of the fastest and most enjoyable to spin, since I didn't spend any time picking out nepps or vm, and the fibers just flowed. I personally enjoy combing and think the time spent in that extra step was well worth it. I'd happily knit a shawl with this yarn, and I would consider it an heirloom.
 | |||||
| First sample: 2-ply, 20 wraps per inch, combed prep |
 |
| Second sample: 2-ply, 15 wraps per inch, roving prep |
I really didn't think the roving prep was suited to a fine smooth lace yarn, but I wanted to give the roving a second chance at being a thicker, woolier yarn, so I spun the last few grams thicker, letting the fiber and fiber prep dictate how thick to spin. I barely fussed with vm or nepps this time around, and tried to enjoy the spin more. It was more enjoyable for me to spin the roving at this thickness, as it just seemed more suitable for the preparation and I wasn't fighting so hard to make it thinner than it wanted to be. Plied, it's still got some unevenness and slubs, but the thickness of the yarn seems to hide the slubs better than in the thinner second sample. This sample was just 11.5 yards, 6 grams, and approximately 11 wraps per inch (dk to worsted weight). It took just 15 minutes from start to finish. I do like this yarn, better than the second sample. I feel like the thickness embraces and works with the roving prep better. This fiber isn't next-to-skin soft for me, but I'd definitely enjoy using this yarn in some outerwear or home goods application. There's just enough unevenness to be charming, I think.
 | ||
| Third sample: 2-ply, 11 wraps per inch, roving prep |
It was an interesting experiment, and I hope my friend finds it useful, but even if she doesn't, it was enlightening to me!
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| Photo of the three samples together: top is first, middle is second, bottom is third. |
Monday, April 4, 2016
April 4, 2016
I've lived in New York City now for just over two years now, but it's just been in the last few months that it's started to feel like home. For one thing, the trains hardly phase me any more. I used to get so anxious riding them--every noise or movement that seemed remotely weird made me panic (so yeah, perpetual panic, not fun), not to mention all the other people and what they might suddenly do while we're trapped here together. I'm getting into the city more too, and getting more comfortable with the routes there--I think I kind of, sort of, almost, maybe have the Upper West Side figured out, haha, until the weekend hits and they do all sorts of crazy stuff to confuse me.
Transportation aside, a sense of home has come in many ways. I've finally made some friends that I hang out with consistently at a yarn shop every week, though we meet there for spinning. I've been volunteering with GallopNYC, which rocks my world in a way I did not see coming (I wanted to be around the horses, originally, but it's the kids that keep me coming back). New York Insight Meditation Center is also coming to be my spiritual home. I've gone on Sunday evenings to the Generation Meditation and Insight Dialogue in the city, and I look forward to the every-other-week Monday meetings of the sweet little Queens sangha. I've also finally found a really great therapist (no shame, I'll admit it I do therapy) with whom I really "click". If only I had made all these connections when I first moved here! The connections and activities don't pay my rent or groceries; they don't fill my bank account, but they fill my soul. And I think it was really a struggle to seek and maintain employment with a half-empty soul. Something to keep in mind for the next move.
On to lighter, fluffier topics! I've been spinning lots...
Happy sigh! I couldn't pick a favorite. They're each lovely and beautiful and fun in their own way. (This is why I am hopelessly drowning in fiber--I love all of it, all the colors, all the fiber bases.)
I've been knitting too--a scarf pattern called Hallayö (whoo, look I made an ö! ALT + 0246, all pressed at once) using some ooold yarn dyed by a friend. I'd attempted this pattern and yarn before and it did NOT work for me. Turns out there are some errors in the pattern. They're mentioned in the notes on the Ravelry page, but the PDF still contains the errors, so watch out for that. Anyways, I'm almost done and playing yarn chicken--I've got 10 grams of yarn left, and quite a few rows to do! I plan to put in a couple lifelines between pattern repeats so that if I run short, I can rip back and do fewer repeats. This is a pretty crappy picture of the scarf, since it's not blocked yet and the lace doesn't show well, but it's proof that I'm working on it (and nearly done!)
In other news, I've started jogging again, in an attempt to train my butt into good enough shape to manage a 5K. This is only the 3rd or 4th (or maybe 5th, haha) time I've started the training. Maybe I'll finish it this time, lol. I'm optimistic, given I've been at it two weeks so far, and I have lots of weeks left before it gets unbearably hot (good timing, Colleen!) I'd like to aim for a 5K in June, but I'm not confident enough (that I'll follow through with the training) yet to sign up for it. I know, if I signed myself up, maybe that would light a fire under me and keep me on track with the training...or maybe I'd quit like every other time and feel even worse at the money wasted on an entry fee. I'm going to give it a few more weeks and see how it goes!
Transportation aside, a sense of home has come in many ways. I've finally made some friends that I hang out with consistently at a yarn shop every week, though we meet there for spinning. I've been volunteering with GallopNYC, which rocks my world in a way I did not see coming (I wanted to be around the horses, originally, but it's the kids that keep me coming back). New York Insight Meditation Center is also coming to be my spiritual home. I've gone on Sunday evenings to the Generation Meditation and Insight Dialogue in the city, and I look forward to the every-other-week Monday meetings of the sweet little Queens sangha. I've also finally found a really great therapist (no shame, I'll admit it I do therapy) with whom I really "click". If only I had made all these connections when I first moved here! The connections and activities don't pay my rent or groceries; they don't fill my bank account, but they fill my soul. And I think it was really a struggle to seek and maintain employment with a half-empty soul. Something to keep in mind for the next move.
On to lighter, fluffier topics! I've been spinning lots...
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| FatCatKnits "Seth" (Day's End) on vBFL |
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| Blue Mountain Handcrafts "I See Fire" + "Appleton" on Merino & Cormo, with lots of add ins |
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| More FatCatKnits, "Sea Anemone" + "Cinnamon Clownfish" (club colorways) on SW BFL/nylon/bamboo |
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| FiberRiot "Madly, Deeply" on 50/50 Merino/Yak |
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| Hipstrings Buoy sampler (half of it). Blend of Shetland, BFL, and Manx Loaghtan. Colors are "Beacon" (yellow), "Sea Star" (orange), and "Otter" (taupe) |
I've been knitting too--a scarf pattern called Hallayö (whoo, look I made an ö! ALT + 0246, all pressed at once) using some ooold yarn dyed by a friend. I'd attempted this pattern and yarn before and it did NOT work for me. Turns out there are some errors in the pattern. They're mentioned in the notes on the Ravelry page, but the PDF still contains the errors, so watch out for that. Anyways, I'm almost done and playing yarn chicken--I've got 10 grams of yarn left, and quite a few rows to do! I plan to put in a couple lifelines between pattern repeats so that if I run short, I can rip back and do fewer repeats. This is a pretty crappy picture of the scarf, since it's not blocked yet and the lace doesn't show well, but it's proof that I'm working on it (and nearly done!)
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| Whoo, that's a bad picture, sorry! |
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