A woman on Ravelry posted a photo of a lovely handspun hat
she just finished (oh, the stripes!).
She was wearing the hat, looking either bored or contemplative. She clarified that she was more deep in
thought than bored, and when I started to comment on her post, my compliment on
her hat quickly got buried in thoughts on thoughtfulness. I edited back to the compliment, and decided
to do a blog post for the rest!
It's a good season for spending some time
thinking--holidays, cold (if you're a northerner), end of the year/start of the
new. I've needed to slow down and reflect some myself recently--on
the past year (a doozy, good and bad) and the near & distant future.
If, as Herod, we fill our lives with things, and again with things; if we consider ourselves so unimportant that we must fill every moment of our lives with action, when will we have time to make the long slow journey across the desert as did the magi? Or sit and watch the stars as did the shepherds? Or brood over the coming of the child as did Mary? For each one of us there is a desert to travel, a star to discover, and a being within ourselves to bring to life.
- Anonymous
The “If as Herod” quote has been tumbling
around my head the past few days, appropriate for the season, but a good
reminder any time of the year that if I want to “travel…discover…” and “[bring]
a being within [myself]…to life”, I’ve got to make a long slow journey, sit and
watch, and maybe even brood. I have
definitely been filling my life with things and action the past six
months. Not that I consider myself so
important—oh wait, that’s not what the quote says—the quote says if we consider
ourselves unimportant, then we fill our lives with things. Shit.
Fail.
I’ve been busy the
past six months—after beginning divorce proceedings (still in progress-sigh)
and moving a thousand miles across the country, I started a new job, went back
to school part-time, found and furnished (still working on it!) an apartment,
bought a car, ran my first 5K (hooray!!!), and went on over a dozen first dates
(as well as a half-dozen second dates, now seeing Dr. Cashmere for almost two
months).
Have I made any long slow journeys? Well, yeah, that 1,000-mile drive home was
long, all right! And the divorce has
been an agonizing(ly slow) Journey with a capital J! Have I sat and watched the stars? Actually, I have spent some solid time star-gazing. They’re a lovely sight that I mostly missed
in the washout of NYC light pollution the past two years, but I’ve admired Orion
while biking home from work at night, and done some impromptu yoga back bends
with Cassiopeia while Molly debates the merits of this patch of grass or
that. Have I brooded over the coming of
a child? Just maybe-- I am that child,
that being within that demands (new) life, though brooding over myself…well,
yeah, that pretty much happened too, haha!
So, literally and without thinking of it, I’ve actually
done what the quote suggests. But, at
the risk of being too self-critical, I think I may have missed the true message
of the quote, which is to slow the fuck
down, already. I had worried that with
all I was up to these past months, I was going to get sick. I averaged around 5-6 hours of sleep a night (on that
damn futon1), and food was fuel, not necessarily of the most nutritious or
balanced variety. Except for a very
brief cold, I surprisingly managed to stay in good physical health (did the
jogging, biking, and swimming help?)
Hmm, but did I fall ill in a spiritual sense, maybe? My beloved spiritual side mostly disappeared
around September when I was last reading Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet and sending loving kindness to my bosses (ugh), the ex (UGH), and the cashier at the grocery store. In hindsight, I’ve missed that spiritual
depth. It’s rekindled a bit the last
week, with more free time after classes ended, and the divorce seems to have reached
a point of temporary rest. I also
received a new issue of Spirituality and Health magazine at just the right time
when I have set aside class readings at my dinner break and can read whatever I
choose (the luxury of time! the bliss of choice!). So I’ve been reading the magazine, as well as
a book I picked up at the college library: The
Renaissance Soul: Life Design for People with Too Many Passions to Pick Just
One (sounds like me!).
I’m still journeying, still watching, still brooding. I’m not sure I have any travels, discoveries,
or new life to report on (yet) but I’m hoping that writing this post, I’ll keep
that spiritual side a little closer to my heart and see what comes of it…
1 December 24 update: 'adult' bed set delivered!!! Thank you Santa...er...Steinhafel's financing, lol. ↩
Eloquent and thoughtful
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