March 12-13, 2016

Cotton!  For the handspinner (or at least, for this handspinner!), cotton is pretty intimidating.  It's has a very short staple (length of fiber), which makes it challenging to spin.  I've tried it a few times in the past, and it's always beaten me--the yarn breaks immediately, and I give up in frustration after a few minutes.  I may be easily frustrated, but I'm also really really stubborn and I can't stand to give up on something that I know can be done--if others can do it, so can I, dammit!

I had the great gift to be in the right place/right time recently to learn from someone who really knows how to spin cotton.  She's a member of the spinning group I just joined in January, and she is just a master of cotton.  Plus, she's sweet & generous and a natural, patient teacher.  I've noticed before that just because a person has proficiency in something, doesn't mean they can teach it, but Tara has it and can do it, and I'm so grateful that she took the time to show me the basics!

Part of my issues with spinning cotton in the past was that I wasn't really starting with the easiest setup.  I tried spinning sliver on my wheel, which, while it can be done, just makes a challenging task even more challenging.  Much easier, Tara told me, to start with seed or ginned cotton on a teeny little tahkli support spindle.  Indeed!  I spun cotton!  It wasn't too pretty, but the yarn didn't break every inch!

Immediately after my lesson with Tara, I had to buy some supplies (*grins* New toys!)  I got a sweet little Mistral tahkli from Hipstrings on Etsy with a pretty primrose etched design.  You can see the original photo here.  I also got some seed cotton from her to practice with.  It's probably obvious to everyone else that "seed cotton" is cotton with the seeds still in it (duh).  I don't know what I was thinking, but I guess I wanted to believe the seeds had been removed.  Oh well, they're actually a piece of cake to separate from the cotton, and it's a surprisingly fun activity, seeing the pile of pure fluff grow, and the seeds, well, they just amaze me.  I'm so clueless I didn't realize the seeds were fuzzy.  It's strange to think of a seed as being adorable, but these little guys are like seedy teddy bears (ha, that doesn't sound right, but you get the point!)

A picture of my new stash & process...

Obviously the spindle (with a bit of spun cotton on it--proof!  I can spin cotton!) and the glass bowl I spin it in are on the left (the bottom point of the spindle is super pointy & sharp and is best supported by a hard surface).  At the center top is the cotton I pulled from the seeds, ready to spin.  At the right is cotton still on the seeds, and the center(ish) bottom is the fluffy teddy bear cotton seeds, with as much cotton removed as I could.  I told you they were adorable!

That's about all I've got to show so far.  I'm trying to practice on this a little every day.  It's going to take a while, I imagine, before I'm spinning pretty cotton yarn, but practice is the only way.  (Wow, that sounds very zen, haha.)

March 9, 2016

Hooray!  A finished scarf!  I blogged about this a couple weeks ago, and finally got myself together and finished it.  I'm SO thrilled with it!  It is beautiful and luxurious and I'm more than a little proud ;)

The yarns are a mix of commercial and my own handspun, fiber content is silk, wool, baby alpaca, and baby kid mohair.  Sigh, it's dreamy!  Over 100 inches long, it's nearly weightless--just 2.2 ounces.  The colors are soft and feminine, and the open weave makes it perfect for spring/summer/fall wear. 


I wish I had more to write about this, but it just leaves me speechless.  I wish I could take all the credit for it, but there are so many people who have inspired and taught and encouraged me to get to this point, in weaving and in life.  I feel really grateful to have so many friends, so much support.

March 8, 2016

Second time volunteering with GallopNYC.  I’m totally a fish out of water there!  Horses, I get, but kids with disabilities are totally foreign to me.  I don't know any of their diagnoses, and I suppose it really doesn't matter.  I talked with the volunteer coordinator about this, and it seems like putting a label on the kids might just limit my view of them or make me expect them to act a certain way and be capable of only certain things.  And even from the last week to tonight, I could see that each kid was a little different. Some were more talkative, or less; some were more easily frustrated, or more focused or less calm.  I suppose they're just like me in that sense: every day is different.  The horses too.  Popcorn seemed testy and edgy last night, but last week I didn't notice anything off about her.  It's probably best to approach these kids, the horses, and myself, with an open mind--a beginner's mind!  And just be open to the possibilities.

I think the older kids, the ones who seem to have more "severe" disabilities are the hardest for my heart to figure out.  I've never had experience with kids who can't or don't talk.  It breaks my heart a little, not to be able to communicate with them--well, in the way I'm most used to communicating, that is, verbally.  I worry that I'm not treating them in the "right" way, or that I might be babying them in some way.   Maybe they understand me more than I think?  I try to keep them safe and encourage and praise them for whatever they can do.  And I think about their parents, and about what I'd do if I ever had a child with that kind of disability, and it just hurts.  On the other hand, the kids who have very limited communication, every last one of them always seems really happy.  They smile and laugh and clap their hands, make happy sounding noises.  I hope they are happy; it makes me happy.  I often feel uncomfortable and slightly off-balance, but in a really good way, in a way that stretches me and will make me grow and evolve, I’m sure.  I'm so grateful for this opportunity.

March 6, 2016

Had a lovely afternoon-that-stretched-to-evening with my spinning friends.  When I got to Knitty City, I was surprised to see everyone spinning on support spindles--most of us usually spin on drop spindles (or wheels, but they aren't so portable).  Someone explained that they were doing this in honor of Tara, who will be moving to Indiana in two weeks.  She's a big fan of support spindles and spins cotton, no less!  I've tried both, briefly, and gave up on both, quickly, haha.  When I met Tara just a month ago, her reputation of proficiency in spinning cotton preceded her, and I hoped to pick her brain a little.  I would have preferred to get to know her better before begging her to share her knowledge and skills with me, but time is short (so is cotton, haha).  Thankfully, another friend lent me a support spindle, and Tara generously shared some cotton with me, then explained very clearly how to get started.  And I did it!  I never would have guessed I'd be able to spin cotton.  I know people do it, but I just kind of held this belief that it was really impossible.  With Tara's guidance, it really wasn't too bad.  I was, of course, hooked.  I have so little willpower when it comes to new crafts!  So when I got home I immediately ordered a similar spindle and some cotton from Hipstrings.  It should be here tomorrow--yay!  I wish I had taken a picture of my cotton spinning, to prove I did it!  Oh well, soon I'll have more to show.  Stay tuned!

March 2, 2016

Yesterday I did my first volunteering session with GallopNYC (therapeutic horseback riding lessons for children and adults with disabilities).  First, it was totally surreal to be at a barn with horses in New York City.  This place is about a mile from my apartment, and...boy is it just strange.  When I left, it was so weird to walk half a block and be at a busy gas station, city buses and traffic galore streaming past; if I didn't smell the lovely horse scent on my hands, I'd have not believed it.

Hands.  The other night I was at a meditation where the teacher was talking about loving kindness, or metta.  I've been trying to practice metta towards myself the past few days, and I'm trying to start small, with something I don't have trouble loving.  Knowing all my own faults and flaws, it can be hard to feel like I deserve loving kindness, so I started just extending metta toward...my fingernails.  I mean, surely they are deserving of peace, safety, happiness, and joy, right?  I know, it's a bit silly.  I even kind of laughed at myself, wondering if my fingernails would feel the goodness I am sending them, and if they would somehow respond by growing extra long and healthy, haha.  Oh wait, am I trying to get something out of this meditation?   Gotta let go of that goal :P  Then I moved on to feeling metta toward my fingers.

And last night, I tried to extend loving kindness to my whole hand.  Surprisingly, that's where I got hung up.  I started thinking about all the things my hands have done in the past 33 years.  They played beautiful (and sometimes not) music on the flute, typed legal documents for a criminal defense lawyer, shaken hands with hundreds of people, turned tens of thousands of pages in books.  Written love letters, condolence letters, letters of resignation.  They've made IV medication for sick patients that maybe helped save lives, or maybe didn't.  They've knitted and crocheted probably a million stitches--shawls, scarves, hats, sweaters, socks--for myself, family and friends, and strangers.  They've signed checks and endorsed checks; they've picked up pennies off the ground (hey, they add up over time, and rent is wicked expensive).  My hands have picked up dog poop, scooped cat litter, vacuumed, washed dishes, folded laundry, cleaned the bathroom (infrequently, admittedly).  My hands have put a ring on another person's finger¹.  They have planted seeds, harvested fruits and vegetables, and turned compost.  They've filled out entirely too much paperwork (!) and signed releases of liability (yes, I understand horses can be dangerous and could kill me; yes, I agree not to sue GallopNYC for harm that might come to me while volunteering).  They've put entirely too many cookies in my mouth, and probably too few fruits and vegetables :P

My hands have been tools that I don't give much thought to.  They've done a lot of good things for myself and others, and some not so good things.  They've probably missed opportunities to do more good for the world, but they've still got time.  I suppose my hands are a pretty good place to really focus some loving kindness, and be more mindful about what they are doing or not doing.

P.S. I was trying to find an interesting and appropriate photo to include with this post.  Something of my hands, doing something.  I found the expected photos of my hands spinning yarn or knitting or crocheting, petting a cat or dog, etc.  But I think this one is quite unexpected and a bit fun: my hands, weilding a chainsaw at the Becoming an Outdoors Woman (BOW) workshop in Tomahawk, WI back in 2013.  It wasn't our first choice class, but it was pretty awesome to try, once, haha.  They instilled a good fear/respect for the chainsaw in the classroom before we got to use one.  My hands also practiced archery, sewing racoon fur mittens, and climbing 40 feet into a pine tree at the workshop.  Dang, I need to do another BOW!  It was so great to do something totally outside my normal.  Thanks to my sister, Beth, for taking this photo.

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1 And, painfully, removed a ring from my own finger years later.

February 29, 2016

A happy leap day!  I loved seeing Google's homepage today, with the two sleepy rabbits marked 28 and 1, and then a third, marked 29 hops over and wiggles its way in between the others.  So sweet!

So many thoughts on my mind today, tumbling around in my head like wet clothes in a dryer.  I'm definitely going through some kind of inner--and outer--journey these past few months, trying to figure out my place in the world, what to do next with my life.  I suppose we're all, always, journeying in some way, but I guess I'm just a lot more conscious of it in my own life lately.

I've been listening to a recording by Iyanla Vanzant called Finding Faith in Difficult Times (note: it's only about an hour long, so a bit pricey at almost $16; thankfully I was able to download the mp3 from my library for free, hooray for libraries!)  I usually listen to it while trying to fall asleep at night; I've listened to it so many times I can almost recite it from memory, haha, but it's good (probably worth the $16.)  Phrases from the book come to me during the day when I need some reassurance or guidance.  Iyanla's voice is hypnotic and memorable, and so I hear her exact voice, not just her words during the day.  "Trust the process." (Slowly, convincingly, with a slight pause after 'trust'.)  That's what I'm trying to do right now, with my life.  It sometimes feels like a mess, but I'm trying to trust that God/the universe is arranging things and it will become clearer in time where it is I'm going next.

I also just finished the audiobook of Buddha Standard Time by Lama Surya Das.  He explains how the "right teaching" will come to the right student, via the right teacher, in the right time and place.  (I'm probably mis-summarizing this, as I can't easily go back and find that place in the 'book'.  I'll have to listen to it again; this is what I heard, in my heart, not exactly what the author said.)  He tells us that, yes, we are each the right student, even if we don't think we're up to the task.  I found these thoughts so reassuring today.  I feel like I'm so far off course (whose course, I don't know, but I mean, come on, I'm unemployed (by choice, ish), and what's next?  I still have no idea).  But I'm going to try to "trust the process" and have faith that I am exactly where I need to be in space and time to uncover the wisdom I need to find in myself and my world.

Finally, this evening I went to the Queens meditation, a local offshoot of NY Insight Meditation Center.  The topic of the teaching was metta, or loving kindness.  I do so love this topic!  Our teacher explained how loving kindness is wishing good things for others and ourselves (!), but specifically those things that all beings truly need, such as peace, safety, happiness, and health, NOT the winning lotto numbers ;)  That's a want, haha.  I've enjoyed practicing sending metta to strangers on the train, and friends and family when trying to fall asleep.  I do find it easiest to extend loving kindness to strangers.  I don't know if they're a saint or an asshole.  In truth, they're probably both.  We probably all are, right?  But, not knowing anything about them, there's nothing to prevent me from believing that they are a basically good, but suffering, person.  And they probably are that too.  I think we all are.

I sometimes find it hardest to extend loving kindness to myself.  Perhaps this is simply a sign of low self-esteem, or maybe it's just the knowledge of every. little. awful. thing. I've ever thought, felt, or done; or failed to do.  Our teacher tonight said that some Buddhist teachers will instruct their students to practice loving kindness only toward oneself for an entire year.  !!!  I can't imagine!  If I did that, every day, for a year...just to myself?!  I can't imagine the year would leave me anything less than transformed.  For the better?  Well, let's hope so, lol, or else I'd be a grade-A self-centered jerk!  But if I could truly love myself, unconditionally and whole-heartedly...how much more, then, could I love others?

It's something worth thinking about further...

February 26, 2016

I don't know what prompted me to stumble across my old, forgotten, barely-wrote-anything blog, but I did stumble across it the other day and reread my four little posts from 2012.  Boy was that a blast from the past!  The knitter's loom I was saving for--never bought, but instead I bought a really, really beautiful Saori loom a little over a year ago.  It's a delight and I'm so grateful it's a part of my life.  I only wish I had bought it years earlier--so much missed time I need to make up for!

Gratuitous pic of some recent weaving...this is a mix of luxury fibers--weft is handspun by me (fiber is from FatCatKnits--50/50 BFL/silk in the club colorway "Anna"), and commercial alpaca/silk and mohair yarns.  It's a lovely, very open weave that made two nearly weightless scarves.  I still need to wash & finish them, so maybe I'll post more pictures in the future.  (Wow, this picture does not do the weaving justice.  The colors are subtle.  You'll just have to trust me that these scarves are beautiful, and yes, I'm being modest :P )



But the theme of this blog is today, so I want to focus on the last day or so, just make a record of the significant, or not so significant, things that happened.  Last night DH went to bed early, leaving me with a very quiet apartment (bliss!).  I've been trying to do yoga the past couple days, but hadn't gotten to it yesterday evening, so I thought, here's my chance.  It was late, and would have been easy to just not bother with yoga--at 11pm?!  But instead, I saw an opportunity to create a unique practice--quiet, reflective, calming.  I knew just what to do--rolled out my mat, turned off the lights, and lit two candles.  Did I mention bliss?!



I'm glad I made time for yoga, even that late at night.  It was perfect and made me happy.

Another thing I'm trying to make time for in my life is volunteering.  It's something I did a lot waaay back in high school (our school required it for graduation), and while I did many more hours than were required then, once I graduated and volunteering was no longer a requirement in my life, I just let it fall prey to my busyness and/or laziness.

In January I started going to New York Insight Meditation Center on Sunday evenings for their "Generation Meditation: Young Adults" .  I'm a bit addicted to it, already.  When I received an email from them a few weeks ago asking for volunteers, it just seemed like that's what I needed to do.  So tomorrow I'll be attending the volunteer orientation.  I'm looking forward to becoming more involved in a group I believe in so much; and I'm hoping I'll get to attend a few classes I might not otherwise be able to afford--definitely a bonus!

Last night I also filled out the online application to become a volunteer with GallopNYC which provides horseback riding lessons to people with disabilities.  WHY have I waited so long to do this?!  I was a horse-crazy kid in grade school, and I've always missed being around them.  I know there are lots of programs like this around the country, yet, I've never gotten involved.  It's time.  I never would have thought I'd get involved with horses in New York City, of all places, but surprisingly, there is a stable where GallopNYC serves that is not far from where I live.  I'm really looking forward to this.